Thursday, March 29, 2018

The Golden Birthday

On March 27, 2018, I celebrated my Golden Birthday.  I turned 27 on the 27th.  It was a day unlike any other.  For starters, I was asked to arrive at work an hour early.  That doesn't happen very often.  But because I love my job, I went in an hour early.  I bought some cookies and cream cupcakes to share with the boys.
The 11-year old nearly missed the bus.  He ran outside with on shoe on a foot, and the other in his hand.  The 6-year old and I played Beyblades, did some homework, and watched his favorite YouTube videos.
After getting the 6-year old on the bus, it was time to go...to the cardiologist.  I had an echo-cardiogram three weeks previous.  The images came back looking good. So now it was time to go...to the pharmacy.
I picked up my medication, Betty the pharmacist wished me a happy birthday, and then, it was finally time to go...home.
I was met at the door by my 3-year old niece, who locked me out.  After I was finally let into the house, my 5-year old nephew popped up and said "Surprise!".  I acted surprised.  Then, it was time to go...to the movies.  My sister, niece, nephew, and my dad went and saw The Greatest Showman at the cheap theater.  The music and cinematography were amazing!  Then it was time to go...back home.
For dinner, we had lasagna, my favorite meal.  For dessert, peanut butter and chocolate cheese cake that my sister made.  (It was amazing, despite setting the oven on fire while baking!)  I opened my presents (a Target gift card, some drawings and books by the kids, and some new luggage), and spent the rest of the evening playing with my niece and nephew.  Then, it was time to go...to bed.
Not the most exciting birthday, I'm sure.  Just another adult birthday.  But it was a good day.  I have a feeling that this is going to be a great year for me.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

On Monday, I Became the Villain

This past Monday was a very stressful day for the 6-year old and me.  It started out like a normal day.  When I arrived at the house, the 6-year old was watching TV.  I got him some breakfast, got him dressed, and we went on with our day.  Noon came around, so we ate lunch.  Then, it was time to get ready for the school bus.  It was like something snapped in the 6-year old.  He didn't feel well all of a sudden (which is a regular occurrence.  He's not a big fan of school).  He threatened to take all his clothes off so he didn't have to go to school.  He ran around the couch like a wild man...er...boy.  School was absolutely not an option for him.
Meanwhile, I'm stressing out because I too had to go to class.  I simply can't miss a day of math.  I get confused easily enough without missing a day.
After chasing the 6-year old around, I finally caught him and set him on my lap.  For a such a little guy, he is really strong, squirming and fighting while I just tried to talk to him.  I told him that if he didn't go to his school, he would have to suffer through my 75-minute long class.  He was willing to sit through my class.  That is how much he hates school.  So, I made up my mind.  I got my white board and some books and decided to take the 6-year old to class with me.  He willingly put on his shoes and jacket and went to the car.
I started to pull out of the driveway.  Cue anxiety:
What if my professor doesn't let him in the classroom?  What will my boss think?  I could lose my job!  I love this job.  I can't lose it!  But what do I do?  I'm taking him to my class.  No, I can't do that.  I'll stay home with him.  No, I can't miss my class.  My thoughts just kept racing.  These thoughts felt like they lasted a lifetime, but in reality, it only took me a few seconds to go out of my mind.  I finally reached a decision.
I pulled the car back into the driveway and told the 6-year old that I needed to grab something from the house.  He was busy drawing a picture on the white board.  I went into the house and grabbed the 6-year old's backpack.  He didn't even notice me get back in the car.  We drove the five minutes to the elementary school.  It wasn't until we were passing the noisy kids out at recess that the 6-year old realized what I had done.
"What are you doing?!" he asked in a high pitched squeal.  "Did you trick me?"  That's  when my heart broke.  I did trick him.  I lied to him.  After over a year of me teaching the boys not to lie, promising them that I would never lie to them, I became the villain.
We walked into the school, shock evident on the 6-year old's face.  I signed him in while he left the office, a staff member walking with him.  His face is still burned into my memory.  Shock, disbelief, fear.  It was too much for me to handle.
But don't worry.  This story has a happy ending.
The next day, Tuesday,  I arrived at the house to find the 6-year old waiting for me at the front door.  I pulled up to the house.  He smiled and waved.  I smiled and waved back.  We had a great day, he and I.  He told me that he had a good day at school on Monday and that he wasn't mad at me.  This is why I prefer working with children over adults.  Children are so quick to love and forgive.  I felt like my anxiety had turned me into a real life Maleficent, but this young child showed me love and forgiveness.
Even though he wasn't mad at me, I made sure to apologize for lying to him.  I explained that going to school is very important.  I explained that I didn't want to go to school either, but I did anyway because I knew that it was important to keep learning.
Monday was a very trying day for me.  But I learned things.  Mostly about myself.  I try not to blame things on my anxiety.  My actions are my fault, not my anxiety's.  But on Monday, the day I became the villain, my anxiety really did take over.  And it was terrifying.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Uncommon Sense

If you watch the news, read the newspaper, work customer service, or, honestly, just leave your house and people watch, then you know that common sense isn't as common as it once was.  People are so absorbed in their own lives and feelings that they forget to be rational.  Actions are taken in favor of one's beliefs and understandings.  It doesn't seem to matter who else is affected by one's choices.
The three examples that come to mind are:

1.  Gun Control
2.  Abortion
3.  Food Stamps

These are huge issues in the United States today, and I feel as though people are taking sides instead of using their common sense.  So these are my views.  Please respect them as I respect yours.

1.  Gun Control

I remember a couple years ago listening to then President Obama talking about gun control.  I just happened to be on Facebook while I was watching this speech.  Not once did President Obama mention taking anyone's guns away.  But can you guess what was all over my news feed?  People accusing President Obama of trying to take their guns.  That's not what he was saying at all.  If people would listen to understand, they would know that President Obama wanted to improve background checks.  I didn't agree with a lot of what President Obama did while in office, but I agreed with him on background checks.
Common sense says that if a criminal wants to purchase a gun, they will find a way.
Uncommon sense says that by creating stricter background checks and raising the age for those who purchase guns, it will become a little more difficult to get a gun.  Key words being 'a little'.  This won't solve our gun violence problems, but it may help.  A little.

2.  Abortion

I really hate hearing people say "My body, my choice".  Although it's true, it is your body, and yes, you should have a say in what happens to your body, there are, in my opinion, limits.  Abortion being the main one.
Common sense says that if a woman is raped, a victim of incest, or likely to die during labor, abortion is a good answer.
Uncommon sense agrees.  But uncommon sense doesn't like the idea of a woman who accidentally got pregnant having an abortion because it's "her body, her choice".  What about the baby's body?  What about the baby's choice?  Do you know how many couples are unable to have children?  Do you know how many people are waiting to adopt a child?  As much as I hate to say it, if you don't want the innocent soul in your womb for yourself, put it up for adoption.  Let the child live.  Give someone else the chance at being a parent.

3.  Food Stamps

Having worked in retail, (even if it was only for three months) I swiped a lot of EBT and SNAP cards.  Most people used them wisely.  They bought the things they needed to feed their families.  But there were some people who took advantage.  In my three months working retail, I had someone buy a cart full of Mountain Dew 2-liters with food stamps.  I had someone else buy a cart full of Halloween candy.  Then, one day, I had a woman who just wanted a microwave meal.  But it wasn't approved.  Buy as much soda and candy as you want, but you want a Healthy Choice frozen meal?  Too bad!
Common sense says that people who rely on food stamps have the right to buy whatever food they want.
Uncommon sense agrees, to a degree.  The current plan is to limit what food stamps can buy.  Have you seen the potential list of foods that will be approved?  It's awful!  Instead of canned fruits and vegetables, let's approve fresh fruits and vegetables.  Instead of ready-to-eat meals, lets approve healthy ingredients.  And there must be a way to limit things.  No more carts full of garbage.

Uncommon sense, the sixth sense, is getting lost among people's wants and desires.  Think about your life.  What are you focused on?  Wants?  Or needs?  What are you willing to do to get what you need?  What are you willing to change to improve the world for others?  Think about it.  Use your uncommon sense.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Ups and Downs


Life is full of ups and downs, just like a roller coaster.  Children have ups and downs.  Adults have ups and downs.  Children go up and down an anthill, it seems.  Adults go up and down the Rocky Mountains.
It's the first day of March, and I feel like I have finally reached level ground.  True, I'm not moving up, but I'm not moving down either. 
In January, I found out that I got accepted into Brigham Young University's Idaho campus.  Last week, I was told that I would begin in September.  In six short months, I'll be living in Idaho with my younger brother and sister, meeting new people and learning new things.  That's an up for me!
From the end of January to the middle of February, I was hooked up to a heart monitor.  Last week, I had my follow up with my cardiologist.  There were some irregularities in the recordings of my heart.  So now I'm on heart medication.  I go back next week for an echo-cardiogram, then back again in three weeks to see how well the medicine is working.  This is a down for me.
But I'm on level ground.
I try not to stress out over things, which is hard for someone with severe anxiety.  But things have always worked out well for me.  I have never been so far down that I've been close to hitting rock bottom.  I can always see the upside in my future, and that's what I cling onto.