Operation: Childspeak pt. 3

For the past ten summers, I have volunteered as a Den Leader at the local Cub Scout Day camp.  For one week every Summer, I am assigned to work with 5-10 boys between the ages of six and ten.  There have been a couple years where at least one of the boys in my den was a little difficult.  But I'll never forget one year when I was assigned a ten year old who had a lot of energy, a lot to say, and a nose for trouble.  We will call him Timmy.
I had seen Timmy previous Summers, but I had never had him in my den before.  So when I saw his name on my list, I thought Oh great!  Everyone knew Timmy.  That child was all over the place!  Other leaders warned me to keep an eye on him.
When the time came to finally meet Timmy, we hit it off right away.  His energy was contagious.  He loved to talk and I loved to listen, so it worked out.  But I noticed that, when around me, Timmy didn't seem to get into a lot of trouble.  But around other adults, Timmy would act up and cause chaos.  I wondered why this was.  Until I heard another leader say "That's the Timmy I know!  Some things never change."   This was said for Timmy to hear.
So I paid closer attention to Timmy and the other leaders.  The other leaders, while still being friendly, treated Timmy like a misbehaving child.  I (hopefully successfully) treated Timmy like I treated the rest of the boys in our den.  I treated him like a child who is still figuring out life.  I treated him like he was a good child.
I'm sure we can all think of a child we know who always seems to cause problems.  Now think about how you act around said child.  Do you react?  Or do you ignore them?  If you do react, how do you do so?  "Some things never change"?  What if I told you that things could change?
At day camp, I make sure to show the boys I am working with a lot of respect.  In most cases, if you show someone respect, they will respect you in return.  This was the case with Timmy.  I knew he was a wild child.  But I didn't treat him any differently than I treated the other boys.
At one station, the leader warned Timmy not to "try anything".  This is an assumption.  When you assume what a child is going to do, they see that as a challenge.  The leader told me not to try anything.  Let's see what I can get away with while she has her back turned.  And just like that, chaos and disobedience ensue.  Had the leader told the entire group to not try anything, there would probably not have been any problems.  By singling out a child, you are telling them that they have all the attention.  Most children crave attention, so they will act out to continue receiving attention.  This was true in Timmy's case.
Children know when they are misbehaving.  They know they are being "bad".  By assuming a child's actions, especially when they are negative actions, you are telling the child that you think they are bad.  A simple phrase such as "Don't even think about it" can do harm to a child.  The best way to fix this is to assume that your child will do the right thing.  "I know I can trust you to get this done while I'm gone".  "You did so well last time, I know you'll do well this time too".  Lift up your children.  Praise them.  (But don't let them get a big head.)  Let your child know that you think they are good kids.  Timmy truly was a good kid.  I think I was able to see that because I treated him like a good kid.
When dealing with children, it is important to have patience and to show love.  A good way to show love is by assuming the best.  Take your wild child, love them, and help them grow into a better version of themselves.  Parents have a lot of power.  Let's not see it misused.

Oh, For the Love of Philp pt. 2

(More gifts I have received from the boys.  Maracas from their trip to Mexico, a wall-mounting lizard from their trip to the Grand Canyon, and an orange rock the 12-year old purchased at a gift shop in Arizona.  "I got you an orange one because it's your favorite color.")

I recently broke the news to the boy:  at the end of Summer, I'll be moving to Idaho for school.  They took it a lot better than I thought they would.  "Okay.  Can So-and-So be our sitter again?"  Wow.  Thanks kid.  Not the reaction I was hoping for.
Two weeks later, though, things have begun to change.  I think the news of my leaving just took a little while to sink in.  The boys seem to bring up my big move everyday.  The 12-year old and I had a good conversation this week:

12-year old: Will you be gone forever?
Me: Of course not! I'll come back and visit.
12-year old: Why are you leaving again?
Me: I'm going to college. 
12-year old: College sucks.

I honestly think that's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me!
And then there's the 13-year old.  As I mentioned in part 1, this kid and I have an awesome relationship.  He hated me at first, and then, out of the blue, we became best buds.  Our relationship is built on a lot of sarcasm and insults.  So when the 13-year old smiled and said "It's about time you're leaving!", I knew he was going to miss me.  Recently, he has asked me about what I am majoring in and why I decided to move to Idaho.  These questions were asked out of genuine care, not just genuine curiosity.
And finally, we come to the 6-year old, with whom I have spent the most time.  "You're leaving?!  You're not going to see us ever again?"  These are the questions I was expecting.  "You're going to miss my birthday?!" was the question I actually got.  This kid is weird about birthdays.  They are so sacred to him that only important people are allowed to attend.  So, he pretty much just told me I'm important to him.
To help him out with the transition, I made a countdown calendar to my last full day in Pennsylvania (only 84 more days!).  I also showed him a map of the United States so he could see how far apart Pennsylvania and Idaho are.  He told me he wants me to mail him a lizard for his birthday.  Priorities!  We finally agreed that we would Skype instead.
I love my parents.  I hate to say it, but I'm not worried about saying good-bye to them.  I've been ready for quite some time.  But the boys?  I was telling my dad the other day that it's normal to miss your child when they leave home.  But I've got it in reverse.  I am leaving my children (yes, I realize they're not actually my children.).  This is even more difficult.  The adult leaving with a feeling of guilt.  I have learned to love these boys more than I have ever loved anything (even my cat, and I love my cat a lot!).  Saying good-bye is going to be one of the most difficult things I'll ever do.  As much as I have disliked living in Pennsylvania for the past 12 years, a huge part of my heart will be staying there.  I'll have to come back and visit so it can continue to beat on.

Love Thy Neighbor

A woman from the church I attend recently became a U.S. citizen.  She was born and raised in Mexico and moved to the United States as an adult.  When other members of the church learned that she had gained citizenship, there was an outpouring of love and congratulations.  The support she received was overwhelming.
This got me thinking.  Why is it that we try to keep immigrants out?  Why don't we support them?  Why don't we help them?
Let's look at an example.  Last year, I was taking an online math class.  Math is ridiculously difficult for me.  In fact, this was my second time taking the same math class.  But I had support.  My parents pushed me and made sure I stayed on track.  I had a friend tutor me before tests.  Because of the help and love of others, I eventually passed the class.
Why can't we do the same for immigrants?  Instead of pushing them out of the country, let's push them closer to becoming a U.S. citizen.  Let's go out of our ways to help them achieve what they came here to do.  Becoming a U.S. citizen is not an easy task.  It takes time and work.  I feel that we, U.S. citizens born and raised, should want to help our new neighbors.  They're just looking for a better life.  They want the same life you have.  Why should we deny them that right?  The first step in opening our borders is opening our hearts.