Mannying: Five Years Later

It's hard to believe, but early next week marks five years of mannying.  I have grown so much since I first started in 2016.  I have learned a lot along the way.  The most important thing I've learned is how strong the influence of a male role model can be.

One of my favorite things about mannying is starting with a family and seeing the confusion, excitement, and devious plotting on the children's faces.  Confusion because the kids have never had a male sitter before.  Excitement because of the new experience.  And devious plotting to see what they can get away with.  I have seen these looks on almost every child I've worked with.  I especially love working with boys and seeing their excitement.  I've had boys tell me that they've never had a boy sitter before and that they're so happy to finally one.  I had one kid tell me he wanted to be a manny when he grew up.  I had another kid tell me he was surprised at how fun and kind I am.  This was all part of why I wanted to be a manny.  I wanted so badly to break the mold of teenage/college aged females being the only child care providers to get recognition.

I think I shared before about my first full-time mannying interview.  The mother said I was perfect for the job, then went on to hire a young woman instead.  About six months later, I interviewed with this mother again.  She again told me how perfect I was for the job.  I went on to work with her three amazing boys for about four years.  It was annoying that she didn't hire me at first, but that's the norm for me.  It all worked out in the end, though.

I remember a few years back, a popular childcare website (which I happen to use) ran a commercial with a bunch of kids telling what they were grateful for about their sitters.  Each child began their sentence with the word "she".  "She does this", "She taught me that".  The commercial infuriated me, especially since I used that exact website to find jobs.  Fortunately, they changed their commercials around, so I can't complain anymore.

While working for my one family, I continued to apply to date night/weekend jobs.  For every fifteen jobs I would apply to, I would hear back from one, maybe two.  This all changed about four months ago.  With everyone going back to the office, my email exploded with parents begging me to watch their kids.  I guess it just takes desperation to ask a man to watch your kids.  In the past year, however, I have added two regular weekday families (one before school, one after), a weekend family, and two date night families.  While people are indeed desperate, I'm also finding that parents are more open to the idea of a manny.  I've gotten a couple of responses from mothers excited to have found someone to work with their sons.  It also helps that I worked really hard to create an impressive profile.  I definitely stand out against the female competition.  

My after school boys have told me multiple times that I am the best manny.  They also like to repeat my mantra "I'm not a nanny, I'm a manny".  We turned it into a joke.  They tell me I'm the worst nanny, which I then thank them for.  I then tell them they're the worst little girls, which they thank me for.

I absolutely love my job.  I look forward to going to work everyday.  I look forward to hearing the thrilled "He's here!" after I ring the doorbell of a home.  I look forward to the toothy smiles that greet me when I enter the home.  And I especially look forward to hanging out with boys who could use some positive attention from a male role model.  

Happy five year mannyversary to me and my families!  I'm so grateful for all of you!

I Am A Masculinist pt. 2

 

Hollywood has done an amazing job at creating strong, independent, female leading roles; Disney, in particular.  But looking back at the past ten or so years, I realized that there aren't many good male leading roles.  You have your stereotypical narcissists who are humbled throughout their adventure, your nerds who become superheroes, and your overbearing fathers who think they know what's best for their children.  I could only think of three movies that broke that mold.

The first movie I thought of was Ratatoullie.  The movie follows Remy, a rat who just wants to fulfill his dream of being a chef.  He has to break down many barriers to get where he wants to be.  He meets up with Alfredo Linguini, a clueless, but seemingly motivated chef wannabe.  Both characters are sensitive to each others' feelings.  Both characters are kind.  And both characters have a realistic goal for their lives.  They don't want to be race car drivers or superheroes; they just want to cook.  

I thought of the movie Coco next.  Miguel is a young boy who has a passion for music.  He also loves his family and only wants to help out.  Through some magical events, he is sent to the afterlife where he meets Hector, another music lover.  Miguel eventually comes to learn that Hector is his great grandfather.  I love this movie because, again, the main characters are kind and trying to reach reasonable goals.

The last movie I could think was Wreck-It Ralph.  Ralph is a big, strong villain who simply wants a chance to be the good guy.  Although he can be grumpy at times, we can see that Ralph has a huge heart.  He wants to be kind and helpful.

I want to see more movies like these three.  Teaching young girls to be strong and independent is important.  But teaching young boys to be kind and to be dreamers is equally as important.  I want to see more movies where the leading male doesn't have to go through a transformation.  He should start out as a good, kind character.  With theses types of examples, I'm sure the men of tomorrow will grow up to be more sensitive and empathetic.  It's in your hands now, Hollywood.

iPhilip 30

 

On March 27th of this year, the iPhilip 30 made an appearance.  This particular iPhilip was to be the greatest yet.  But, as is often the case, life got in the way.  Here is iPhilip's story in his own words:

"My 30th year of life began with the loss of my emotional support kitty, Zoe.  She was just 11-years old.  I decided that I didn't want to wait to adopt another cat.  So I eventually adopted a beautiful tortoise hair cat that I named Zadie.  She hated me for a long time, which, obviously, didn't provide me with the emotional support I needed.  Months later, she is my little shadow and loves to be petted.

"Back in April, while I was in the process of adopting Zadie, a difficult decision arose (unrelated to Zadie's adoption).  I could make it easy by continuing to do what I was already doing; but in so doing, I would be causing myself more and more anxiety.  Or, I could make the more difficult, but correct choice, which is what I did.  I made the more difficult choice, knowing that my life would be miserable for awhile.  I knew people would hate me for the choice I made.  I knew my life would temporarily become a living hell.  But I made the choice anyways.  What I didn't know was that my social media and blog would be stalked.  I didn't expect failed attempts to have me taken down at every turn.  I began regretting the choice I made, even though I knew it was the right one.

"I began seeing a therapist.  She has been wonderful for me and has helped me through a lot.  But I still have a long way to go.  Even nearly half a year later, I am struggling with the decision I made.  If given the chance to do it over again, I would still make the same choice, even though I question it almost every day.  Doing the right thing isn't always easy.

"Just last week, I was in a dark place, a darker place than I had ever been in before.  I slowly got out of it using the techniques my therapist gave me.  I'm still not at 100%.  It may be a while until I'm there again.  But I'm trying."

When asked to describe himself, iPhilip 30 said that he is "big-hearted, but broken."  He remains hopeful and is continuing to look for ways to improve himself.  He is doing a lot of self-care activities and putting down boundaries.  We at iPhilip are certain that things will only get better.

An Open Letter

 

Dear friends,

I, along with millions of others, have had the Olympics on my mind and on my TV for the past week or so.  The news of Simone Biles opting to stop her participation was huge news this week.  She decided to put her mental health before her fame.  I've seen many different responses to the news.  A lot of love and encouragement, but also a lot of shaming and hate.  I've seen comments on social media from people I know and love.  So here is my open letter to those friends.

For those of you who are shaming Simone Biles for quitting, let me be the first to apologize.  I'm sorry that I, your friend, struggle with mental illness.  I'm sorry that I worry every day about what my future holds, or if I even have a future.  I'm sorry I can be such a Debbie Downer at times.  I'm sorry I'm too afraid at times to act 'normal'.  I'm sorry if I ever made you feel ashamed to call me a friend.

For my friends who are showing love and support towards Simone, I now know who I can turn to in times of trouble.

I, too, have had to make difficult decisions in the past.  Do I keep pressing forward in an emotionally draining environment?  Or do I quit to take care of myself?  I do my best to weigh the pros and cons.  If I can't see myself continuing on and being happy, I'll admit that I give up.  It's never an easy choice, but it's a choice that sometimes needs to be made.  I may give up on a lot of things, but I refuse to give up on myself.

I love each and every one of my friends.  I hope they all know that I can be a listening ear and/or a shoulder to cry on if they need one.  Life gets tough, but you can make it through.  Just make the right choice, even if it's the difficult one.

Your friend and ally, 

Philip 

Narcissism: A Short Story

   

    Way up in the Scottish Highlands of ancient times, a dragon couple had just established their territory.  Breeding season was only months away, so this couple needed to turn their territory into a home fit for hatchlings.  The male dragon, Aillig, and his female counterpart, Grear, were deeply in love.  You see, dragons were one of the few creatures that mated for life.  Once a bond is made, it becomes nearly impossible to break.

    Aillig and Grear constructed a beautiful nest of stone, in which Grear laid three eggs.

    "I have never been so happy in all my life," Grear told Aillig one day.  "I can't wait to meet our hatchlings."

    On the day the eggs hatched, Aillig was away hunting for food.  He arrived back to the nest to meet his two sons, Torin and Calder, and his daughter, Vanora.  A surge of pride filled Aillig's breast as he beheld his handsome hatchlings.  "This calls for some special gifts," he said to Grear.  Aillig left the nest for a brief period.  When he returned, Grear could see a glint of precious metal shining from Aillig's mouth.  Aillig gifted his three hatchlings with pure gold that he had come across while hunting.

    "It's beautiful," said Grear.  "But what is the purpose?"

    "To remind us of the day our lives changed forever," was Aillig's reply.

    As the years went by, the hatchlings slowly grew into majestic beasts.  Every year, Aillig would bring back gold to celebrate his offspring.  A pile had been formed in the center of the nest for all to see.  When the time came for the hatchlings' first hunting trip, Aillig was nowhere to be found.  Grear took the young dragons out by herself.  She taught them how to draw in and catch a red deer.  After Torin, Calder, and Vanora had each caught their own deer, they returned back to the nest.  Aillig was waiting for them.

    "To commemorate your first hunt," Aillig said, "I have brought each of you a gold figurine I found in a nearby village."  He passed out the figures.  A wolf for Torin, an eagle for Calder, and a bear for Vanora.  The three excited dragons thanked their father and went off to celebrate on their own.

    "Where were you today?" asked Grear.  "You missed the first hunt."

    "I knew you had it under control," was Aillig's reply.  "I went off to get gifts."

    "That was very thoughtful," said Grear, "but don't forget that the greatest gift is spending time with your offspring."

    "Come with me next time," said Aillig, seeming to ignore Grear's words.  "The village is a wonderful place.  The smells of cooked meat.  The sounds of singing and laughter.  And the gold.  You never know what you will find."

    "That does sound wonderful," Grear said.

    Many more years passed.  Aillig continued his tradition of treasure hunting.  He soon began going off multiple times a year.  The pile of treasures was moved down to a crag under the nest, still in full sight.  Although the young dragons told him they had enough treasure, Aillig continued to hunt for more, keeping most of his findings for himself.

    Early in the morning of the young dragons' Sending Away, Aillig went off to find the biggest treasures he could.  Sending one's offspring out into the world to find their own ways was the most important of dragon traditions.  Aillig needed to find something extra special for this day, no matter how long it took.  He returned late into the night with a large gold framed mirror.  This was the most perfect gift Aillig had ever brought home.  

    As the nest came into sight, Aillig noticed that Grear was waiting there for him, by herself.  "Where are the offspring?" he asked.

    "I sent them away," Grear answered angrily.  "They are moving on with their lives now."

    "You didn't wait for me?" asked Aillig, smoke curling from his nostrils.

    Grear frowned.  "I was unsure when you would return.  There have been times when you were gone for days."

    "I needed the perfect gift," Aillig growled.

    "The offspring don't care about your gifts," Grear snarled.  "They have told you multiple times.  You seem not to hear anything but your own greed."

    "I did this for them, not for myself."  Aillig glared at Grear.  "I care deeply about our offspring."

    "You have a strange way of showing it."  Grear turned her back on Aillig.  "I am going to sleep now.  I am leaving in the morning.  I need a respite from your avarice."  Grear left Aillig alone with his thoughts.

    Why does she not understand that everything I do is for my family? Aillig wondered.  She won't actually leave me...will she?

    This is when Aillig's already crumbling mind completely snapped.  "She can't be allowed to leave," he said to himself.

    The next morning, an earsplitting, woeful roar filled the air.  "What have you done?" Grear screamed at Aillig.  She looked back towards her tail.  Her once beautiful wings had been shredded.  Dried blood crusted the large tears in the wing membrane.  Pieces of flesh littered the nest floor.

    "I couldn't let you leave," was Aillig's reply.  "We need each other.  We are bound for life.  I couldn't let you follow through with your selfish need for 'respite'."

    "Your actions have proven that bonds can be broken," Grear cried, the pain beginning to settle in.  "You are the selfish one.  Everything you have ever done was for your own gain."

    "Everything I did was for our family."  Aillig was beginning to get angry again.

    "I can't...," Grear huffed.  "I can't talk...Too much pain."

    "Of course you can't talk," Aillig snapped.  "You never talk when it comes to my feelings.  It's always about you.  I've had enough!"  With that, Aillig pushed Grear over the edge of the nest.  He listened for the thud, shuddering when it finally came.

    "She's gone now," he muttered to himself.  "She can't hurt me anymore."

    Over the decades, Aillig fought off many a foe.  Humans seeking the treasure they could see from miles away.  Other dragons attempting to rob him of his territory.  Aillig eventually hid his treasure in a cave near his nest.  He would spend hours looking at the mirror.  He never looked at his reflection, only the gold frame around the mirror.  Upon leaving the cave one day, Aillig noticed movement near the nest.

    "Calder?" he said.  "Is that you?"

    "Hello father," Calder said.  "I've come to see how you were doing.  I heard about mother's fall so many years ago.  I would have come sooner, but I had my own offspring to take care of."

    "I am doing well," Aillig responded.  "I am happy here by myself.  I have everything I need."

    "I'm glad to hear that," said Calder.  "I also came to ask if you would join me in my nest.  I've seen how difficult life can get for the elderly."

    "Life isn't difficult at all," Aillig said with a small snarl.  "I said I am fine."

    "I just thought I would offer."

    "Because you think I am like the other elderly dragons?  I can take care of myself."

    "I understand.  I thought maybe-"

    "I don't need anything," Aillig growled.  "I am capable of taking care of myself.  I am happy on my own."

    Calder hesitated.  "You don't seem happy, father."

    Aillig let out a roar, a wave of smoke exiting his mouth.  "Who are you to tell me if I am happy or not?  You, who left me alone.  After all I did for you and your siblings, you left without a goodbye."

    "We waited hours for your return, father," Calder said, tears forming in his eyes.  "You left us wondering when you would return.  We all agreed that we had to go.  Mother gave us a beautiful sending away."

    "Don't speak to me about your mother," Aillig growled.  "She never loved me.  I want no more to do with her."  

    Calder let out a sob.  "I can't do this, father.  I must go.  Goodbye."  Aillig turned his back as Calder flew away.

    Aillig continued to live alone.  Other dragons were finally successful in taking over Aillig's nest.  Taking pity on an elderly dragon, they allowed Aillig to reside in his cave of treasures, where he eventually passed into the next realm.  All alone, with nothing but his reflection in his prized gold framed mirror.

Child Abuse: When to Report

 

Working with children can get frustrating.  Loving a child is the best thing in the world.  The grey area in between the frustration and love can get confusing.

Growing up, I always thought child abuse was physical.  I thought that the extent of child abuse was bodily harm to a child.  Then I learned about sexual abuse.  And neglect.  And psychological abuse.  There are so many ways children can be put in danger.

The best known form of abuse is physical abuse.  Physical abuse can be hitting, kicking, biting, restraining, and any other physically harmful actions.  If it leaves a mark that lasts for hours, it's abuse.  Some signs to look for are marks (red marks, scratches, bruises, etc.) especially on the face.  If you are a parent that spanks, just make sure you know the line between discipline and abuse.

Sexual abuse is a scary thing.  When an adult rapes, fondles, or does sexually stimulating activities with a child, this counts as sexual abuse.  Some signs to look for are if a child has advanced knowledge of sexual behavior, regressive behaviors (bed wetting, thumb sucking, etc.), decrease in self-esteem, and difficulty sleeping alone at night.

Neglect is the most common form of abuse.  Neglect can be as simple as leaving a child unsupervised, or not providing adequate food or clothing for the child.  Many families are reported for living in unsafe, unclean houses.  Some signs to look for are if a child tends to wear the same clothes everyday, is always hungry, is always unclean, or, like with physical abuse, is often covered in scratches or bruises.

The last type of abuse is psychological abuse.  Psychological abuse can go two ways: excessive attention and verbal discipline (screaming, name calling, cursing, etc.), or inadequate attention (ignoring emotional needs).  Children who have been psychologically abused may be persistently scared or withdrawn.  Some kids might be verbally abusive to other kids.

I have worked with many kids over the years and seen the signs of neglect and psychological abuse.  I've had to report parents.  It's not easy.  I care about every single child I've ever worked with, and it breaks my heart to see kids live in unfit conditions.  It breaks my heart even more to have to report the conditions, in fear that the child may be sent away.  Ultimately, though, the children's safety should be the priority.

If you suspect someone of abusing children, find out who you need to call.  Call the police in extreme cases.  If the child is not in immediate danger, the best thing to do is call your state's child abuse hotline, which you can find online.