Anxious for Love

I took the boys bowling a couple months ago.  When it was time to put our names into the system, this is what we came up with:
14-year old: Zilla25
6-year old: *His name*
Me: Phat
And then there's the 12-year old: Forever Alone
I'm not sure if he genuinely thinks he'll be alone forever or if he was poking fun at me.  Knowing this kid, he was probably teasing me.  
Since moving out to Idaho, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and marriage.  BYU-Idaho's nickname is BYU-I Do, after all.  But as my anxiety has grown and I noticed that I couldn't even ask someone for directions without trembling, I realized that marriage may not be happening for me anytime soon.  Just the idea of speaking to a stranger makes me want to hide my head in the sand.  I was thinking the other day that I need to find an introvert like myself.  But then I realized that would be nearly impossible.  Where do introverts go to meet?  Serious question here!
Anxiety, though the largest, is only one factor that contributes to my unwed status.  I also suffer from pride and pickiness (Sounds like a Jane Austen novel!).  The ideal woman must be aware of her surroundings.  I look around campus and see girls with their faces being sucked into their phones.  That can't be healthy!  I have a flip phone for a reason.  I like to be aware of what is going on around me.  A smart phone would just be a distraction for me.  I'm not ashamed to admit it. 
I also want someone closer to my age.  It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest student on campus.  (I know I'm not, but it certainly feels that way!)  With almost ten years between me and the Freshmen, I worry that I'll end up as what my grandma calls a "Cradle Robber".  I want someone within at least four or five years of my age.
Lastly, I need a woman with common sense.  I find myself rolling my eyes a lot nowadays.  Maybe it's because I'm so much older than a lot of the other students.  Or maybe common sense is just dead.
Along with common sense comes common courtesy.  My brother and I had a game night last week with some of his friends.  Two of his friends are currently madly in love with each other.  They sat in the middle of the table playing their own game while everyone else played around them.  I can respect that they are smitten with each other.  It's kind of cute, actually.  But be aware of what is going on around you.  I want someone who will be madly in love with me, but still be aware of the people around them.
Maybe I'm asking too much.  But my mom once told me that it's okay to be picky.  If I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with someone, I want to be sure that I found the right someone.
Future Mrs. Kretchman, if you're out there, I'm currently in Idaho.  Come look me up.  Please.

Adulting pt. 3: College Days

As mentioned in my last post, I am now living in Rexburg, Idaho attending BYU-Idaho.  I am currently just taking two classes:  History and Systems of Psychology and Behavioral Learning Psychology.  After two days of class, I am sure that I will do well.  My professors are amazing and the subjects of the classes really hold my interest.  I'm not worried about failing.  Life as a college student is what I'm worried about.
I have five roommates in my apartment, aged 18 to 23.  I'm 27.  I told them they can call me grandpa if they'd like.  I'm pretty much a grumpy old man anyway.  Lights are being left on, people are talking and singing late into the night, trash is being left on the counters.  Not only are my old man instincts kicking in, but so are my Mannying instincts.  Should I clean up after them?  Should I tell them to clean up their own messes?  Or should I not worry about it?  The other guys obviously don't worry about it, so I guess I shouldn't either?  So I'm torn.  Am I grandpa, the Manny, or just one of the guys?  My head is spinning.
I've chosen to ignore how my roommates live unless it affects me in some way.  What I can't ignore, though, is the size of campus and the lack of signs.  At the community college I attended in Pennsylvania, you could stand in one spot and see all the buildings, and yet they still had signs all over campus pointing you where to go.  BYU-I is ginormous and doesn't have a single sign telling me where I am.  The buildings are huge and only have one sign, right in front.  They're also all the same color.  So to figure out where I am, I need to walk around the buildings just to see their names.  I haven't been late to class...yet.
Making friends has always been a struggle for me.  At the community college, you sat down next to someone and ignored them for most of the semester.  At BYU-I, you sit down next to someone and become their best friend.  Very unsettling for me.  "Oh, you're 27?  Good for you, man!"  Um, thanks?  It's strange knowing that half the students on campus were in 3rd grade when I graduated high school.
I started a Mannying job yesterday for a family I've known since I was kid.  The mom used to babysit me, and now I'm babysitting her kids.  At the end of my shift yesterday, one of the kids asked their mom if I could sleep at the house.  The mom's reply was "I don't know if I can afford Philip living with us."  No worries.  I don't know if I can afford Philip living with me either. That being said, I'm excited to be working with kids again!
College life is going to difficult for me for awhile, but I'm sure I'll adjust.  I've joked around with a friend about starting a 25+ club (he's 25-years old).  So far, we've met another 25-year old and a 26-year old.  I'm still the oldest, but I'm not worried.  I just need to find my place on campus and not worry about my age.

The Life of Philip, Chapter 2

On Tuesday, September 4, 2018, my mom and I set out on a cross country trek to Rexburg, Idaho.  Rexburg is the home of Brigham Young University Idaho campus, where I will be finishing up my Bachelor's degree in Psychology.  For the first time in twenty-seven years, I will be living somewhere other than my parents house.  This is a new beginning for me.
I have waited for this day for a long time.  I have felt that I have been ready to live independently for awhile.  All I needed was the proper motivation.  While attending the community college in Pennsylvania, I switched majors numerous times.  While working with the boys, I finally decided on majoring in Psychology with hopes to become a middle school guidance counselor.  I have never felt a hundred percent sure about a major until now.  Working as a Manny for the past two years helped me in this decision.
The most difficult part of moving was leaving my Manny job.  I have grown to love the boys as if they were my own.  Imagine having to leave your children so you can move on with your life.  It hurts a lot.  Saying goodbye was rough. 
I have been trying to focus on my future, though.  Just two and a half more years before I get my Bachelor's degree, then on to my Master's.  I've got a lot of schooling ahead of me, but it will all be worth it in the end.  I'm looking forward to continuing my education.
Being on the opposite side of the country from my parents will be different, but I'll have my younger brother and some friends near by.  And I'm excited to meet new people and make friends.
Although I'm not entirely emotionally ready to leave, I know that I am mentally ready.  I have been trying to become more independent in the past couple years and feel that I am ready to live on my own.  As I meet new people and work new jobs, I will become more comfortable being away from those I love most.  The future is bright.  I'm ready to bask in what is to come.