This past weekend, I took my Little to see the movie Wonder. It's based off of a novel about a boy, Auggie, who was born with a disfigured face. After being home schooled for five years, Auggie's parents decide it's time to send him to public school. And so the movie follows Auggie in his first year of middle school. Throughout the the movie, Auggie gets teased and called names. Eventually, though, the other kids learn to like Auggie and become his friend.
This movie really got me thinking about how we can better teach our children to be kind to others and stand up to bullying. Here are some of my ideas:
1.) Teach Tolerance
2.) Be an Example
3.) Love Everyone
and
4.) Stand Up
1.) Teach Tolerance
Bullies tend to pick on those that are different. In Wonder, Auggie was bullied because of his disfigured face. In grade school, I was teased because I was so quiet. And hairy. I was different.
Children need to understand that everyone is different in their own way. I was fortunate to grow up in a military community. I was surrounded by people of all colors and cultures who had lived in many different countries. I learned tolerance simply by living in a diverse community. Not everyone is that fortunate.
So how does one teach tolerance? Start in the home. Read books or watch movies that deal with people of different cultures. In the community, you can visit museums that exhibit different cultures. Visit churches other than your own. Get to know your neighbors. Visit nursing homes. Teach your kids about disabilities. There is so much you can do just in your neighborhood.
2.) Be an Example
Believe it or not, your kids watch everything you do. They learn their behaviors from you. What are showing them? How do you treat them? How do you treat your spouse or ex-spouse? When you are around your kids, do you think to yourself, "Should I act this way?".
Some key areas to focus on are when you are frustrated or angry. How do you react to anger? Some people yell, punch things, curse, you name it. The six-year old and I had a brief, simple conversation last week after he got angry. His older brother beat him in Wii Lacrosse, so he flipped him off. We had a nice chat about how it is okay to be angry, but it's never okay to be mean. I repeated that a couple times this week. This applies to parents as well. It's okay to be angry. But think about how you display your anger.
Another area to focus on is cursing. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Using bad language can be damaging. I have had to work with all three boys on using kind words and substitutions such as heck, shoot, crap, and fridge. (Yes, you read that right. The boys say fridge. "What the fridge?") By filtering what your child says, your child is learning to think before they speak. This can eventually lead to thinking before calling someone a bad name. Thinking before offending someone. So the more you watch your language, the kinder your kids will be.
3.) Love Everyone
This one can be difficult. You expect me to love the kid who called me a werewolf in third grade? Or the kid who used my younger brother as a punching bag?
Yes.
Love comes easily to some. They are kind to everyone, get along great with anyone. But it seems that those types of people are becoming more and more hard to find. Instead, you find people who throw each other under the bus, hate for no reason, are cruel for their own pleasure. Don't be like that.
Oftentimes, love begins at forgiveness. That child that called me a werewolf? I forgave him. I eventually learned to laugh along with him, even howl. That kid who beat up my brother? I taught him and my brother to be friends. You have to look past people's actions and words to see who they really are. This is difficult to teach. So we go back to teaching by example. Let your children see you be forgiving, be the bigger person. They will follow in your footsteps.
The most important thing to do is love your children. When they feel your love, the warmth that your love brings, they won't be able to help themselves. They will want to share that warmth with others.
4.) Stand Up
As important as it is to teach your kids not to be bullies, it is equally important to teach them to stand up to bullies. Now I don't mean picking fights and defending themselves. I'm talking about being a tattle tale.
No child wants to be a tattle tale. That's how you lose friends. But if someone is picking on you or anyone else, the right thing to do is tell an adult. Standing up to a bully goes along with loving everyone. Does your child take pleasure in seeing other kids being picked on? Or do they want the bullying to stop? By reporting a bully, your child is showing love to the victim. Don't let your child be afraid to speak to an adult. Make sure they know that, even though it might not be the most popular thing to do, being a tattle tale can be the right thing to do.
Wonder had a happy ending. A lot of bullying stories don't. Teach your kids to do the right thing. Teach them to stand up to bullying.
