I Am A Masculinist

One day, when I was in sixth grade, I had to give a presentation.  I was so nervous, I started to cry.  My teacher took me out into the hallway, looked me in the eyes, and said "Stop crying, it's time to grow up".  I was shocked.  I was clearly stressed out, and here, a teacher that I happened to like, was scolding me instead of comforting me.  My embarrassment from crying in front of my friends and peers turned into an even greater self-consciousness.  From that moment on, I tried to avoid showing what I thought to be 'unmanly' emotions.  You can imagine how difficult this was to do while living with an anxiety disorder.  My first reaction to a lot of things was to run and hide, to cry, or to do all of the above.
As a teenager and a young adult, I have still struggled with owning up to having anxiety.  Men aren't supposed to be afraid of anything.  And here I am, terrified of people, water, and cars.  I felt like I didn't fit in with the other boys.  To this day, I have more female friends than I do male friends.  I had to find friends who accepted me and 'unmanliness'.  This is why I'm a masculinist.
When I say I am a masculinist, I'm not talking about how men are superior to women, because they're not.  I'm not talking about being a fit, sport loving, COD playing womanizer who drinks beer as a hobby.  I'm talking about being true to myself and my gender.  I'm a sensitive, fun-loving, book worm.  I enjoy tennis, volleyball, and baseball, just for fun.  I like Nintendo games, especially Pokemon.  And I love helping others through their struggles.  I want to live in a masculinist world, where men aren't embarrassed and discouraged to talk about their feelings or to cry when they're afraid.  A world where women are respected, children are loved, and hearts are whole.  I don't know if I'll ever see a world like this in my lifetime, but I can do my best to help develop it for future generations.

Why Can't Big Boys Cry?

Growing up with anxiety gave me a lot to cry about as a kid.  I was afraid of the dark, afraid of people, afraid of water (swimming).  When put in an uncomfortable situation, I would usually cry.  It took me years to overcome this.  There have been times as an adult where I was put in an uncomfortable situation and the only thing I could do was shed a few tears.  In today's society, this is really embarrassing.  I'm actually embarrassed to be writing about this.  We as a society are just fine with women crying.  They are allowed to show emotion.  But Heaven forbid if a boy should cry.  Buck up!  Big boys don't cry.
It seems as though boys are taught to hide their emotions.  I tried to hide mine for years.  All that bottled up emotion has to come out eventually.  Let's just hope no one is around when it happens.
I don't remember the last time I cried, which is a huge improvement for me.  But when I keep my emotions to myself and let them build up inside me, I usually end up crying eventually.  But different people react in different ways.  Some people, after hiding their emotions, can become angry and lash out at loved ones.  Not only is that unhealthy, it is potentially dangerous for others.
Remember those t-shirts that said "Real Men Wear Pink"?  It's true.  Real men do wear pink.  Real men also show emotion.  They express their feelings openly.  Women, don't assume that men are heartless, soulless beings.  And men, don't be afraid to show that you have a heart.  Don't be afraid to cry a little, laugh sometimes, and love a lot.  You'll be doing yourself a favor.