I Can('t) Do Hard Things

I've always hated hearing people say "You can do hard things".  I have struggled with doing difficult things my whole life.  I moved home from Idaho in 2023 because life got too difficult.  I have quit jobs because they were too difficult. Most recently, the difficult thing I couldn't do was finish a semester of school.  School got difficult, my anxiety took over, and I dropped out of school four weeks before the end of the semester.  

I look back at where I was years ago, though, and see all of the difficult things I was able to do.  Moving out to Idaho in the first place, not once, but twice.  Attending three different colleges.  Stepping out of the food and retail industry and starting my career as a manny.  These were all difficult things.  Sure, I quit most of the things listed above (still going strong as a manny!), but it took a lot for me to try.  I'm not one to step out of my comfort zone, yet I've found myself leaving my zone on a regular basis.

I don't know if I'll ever finish college.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave Pennsylvania again.  But I do know that I need to keep an open mind to those options.  I can't do hard things, but I keep trying anyway.  Maybe someday it will all work out.

An Open Letter

 

Dear friends,

I, along with millions of others, have had the Olympics on my mind and on my TV for the past week or so.  The news of Simone Biles opting to stop her participation was huge news this week.  She decided to put her mental health before her fame.  I've seen many different responses to the news.  A lot of love and encouragement, but also a lot of shaming and hate.  I've seen comments on social media from people I know and love.  So here is my open letter to those friends.

For those of you who are shaming Simone Biles for quitting, let me be the first to apologize.  I'm sorry that I, your friend, struggle with mental illness.  I'm sorry that I worry every day about what my future holds, or if I even have a future.  I'm sorry I can be such a Debbie Downer at times.  I'm sorry I'm too afraid at times to act 'normal'.  I'm sorry if I ever made you feel ashamed to call me a friend.

For my friends who are showing love and support towards Simone, I now know who I can turn to in times of trouble.

I, too, have had to make difficult decisions in the past.  Do I keep pressing forward in an emotionally draining environment?  Or do I quit to take care of myself?  I do my best to weigh the pros and cons.  If I can't see myself continuing on and being happy, I'll admit that I give up.  It's never an easy choice, but it's a choice that sometimes needs to be made.  I may give up on a lot of things, but I refuse to give up on myself.

I love each and every one of my friends.  I hope they all know that I can be a listening ear and/or a shoulder to cry on if they need one.  Life gets tough, but you can make it through.  Just make the right choice, even if it's the difficult one.

Your friend and ally, 

Philip 

Overthinking Respect

When I was working at Pizza Hut, I had a lot of customers come in who were of the Hindu faith.  Although not required, a majority of the Hindus don't eat meat.  They believe in the sanctity of life for every creature.  These customers always emphasized that there should be no meat on their pizza.  On the rare occasion that a piece bacon somehow made its way in with the onions, these customers would ask for a remake.  They would not eat something that even touched a piece of meat.  

As irritating as this was, I just had to remind myself that I needed to respect these customers' beliefs.  I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  And I certainly didn't want to make anyone feel like they had just committed a sin.

I eat meat.  Mostly chicken.  I don't believe that anything bad will happen if I consume that tiny piece of bacon hidden among the onions.  But the world doesn't revolve around me.  I do my best to remember the needs and concerns of the people around me.

Which brings me to wearing masks.  I hate having to wear a mask.  I hate breathing in the warm, moist air my mask provides.  And I hate trying to readjust my glasses every few minutes so they don't fog up.  But I am one of the many people who believes that wearing a mask can protect you and those around you.

I have some friends who believe they don't need to wear masks.  They think the Coronavirus is no worse than the flu.  I can't say if they're right or wrong.  I'm no doctor or scientist.  What I can say is that we need to respect the choices of the people around us.  Like me, many people in the country believe that wearing a mask can protect themselves and the people around them.  If you don't want to wear a mask for yourself, please at least wear a mask for everyone around you.  You can protest all you want.  You can go mask free when you are around others who feel the same as you do.  But if you need to go pick up a gallon of milk, put a mask on.  

During these crazy times, I can't think of anything more unkind than not wearing a mask in public.  Sure, you're showing that you don't believe wearing them changes anything.  But, perhaps unintentionally, you're also showing that you don't care about the people around you.  The world does not revolve around you.

I just want you to think about this.  Would you serve a vegetarian meat?  No, that's just rude.  Why is wearing a mask any different?

Fiery Serpents 2020

Remember that one time that God sent fiery serpents among the children of Israel to get them to behave?  I don't, personally, but I do remember reading about it in the Old Testament.  Those who were bitten were offered a cure.  All they had to do was look at a brass serpent that Moses lifted up.  That small, simple act of faith in God cured many people.  But there were many others who suffered and died because they thought the cure was too simple to actually work.  They lacked the faith they needed to be healed.
We have a new fiery serpent among us today in the form of the Coronavirus.  While I'll admit that staying in or around the house 24/7 is not at all a simple act, wearing masks out in public is.  I was surprised to see how many people on Facebook are complaining about tyranny and being told that they must wear masks in order to get groceries.  People don't like being forced to do things.
The masks, in this case, are the brass serpent.  Wearing a mask in public, though a minor annoyance, is a simple act to protect yourself and others around you.  Whether you believe in the Coronavirus or not, wearing a mask is something simple you can do without complaining.
The main difference between Moses's brass serpent and today's brass serpent is the lack of prophetic authority.  By looking at the brass serpent Moses lifted up, you were showing faith in God through his prophet.  It's easier to question today's Moseses (government leaders, doctors, etc.) because people have so many differing opinions on said authorities.  Instead of trying to decide who to listen to, maybe you should decide for yourself.  Put yourself in other peoples' shoes.  Just because you don't believe masks will work doesn't mean they won't.  The people around you wearing masks seem to think they work, and they're wearing them for your protection, as well as their own.
The moral of the story is to think about what is being asked of you.  If it's something simple and harmless, with the best of intentions, just go with.  Wear the mask.  Look up at the brass serpent.

How Porn Kills Love

For the past couple of years, sexual misconduct has become one of the most recurring stories on evening news broadcasts.  Top tier celebrities and politicians have been accused of rape or molestation.  People often wonder what would possess someone to take advantage of another human in such a heinous manner.  Studies are beginning to show that addiction to pornography may be to blame.
One such study reviewed the differences between men who view pornography and those that don't.  The study eventually found that "men who viewed pornography, report a greater likelihood of raping, committing sexual assault, higher rape myth acceptance, lower willingness to intervene in a sexual assault situation, and lower efficacy to intervene in a sexual assault situation". (Foubert)  Men who view pornography desensitize themselves to the fact that a woman is not an object.  They eventually become willing to do anything for a little bit of pleasure, no matter who it hurts.
Another study was performed to find how men reacted to different genres of entertainment.  While drama and comedy did not seem to solicit negative results, sports, pornography, music videos, and even reality TV produced violent and objectifying results.  These forms of entertainment in one way or another tend to objectify women, whether in the show itself or in the commercials.  These findings indicated that "exposure to sexually objectifying media is associated with greater endorsement of attitudes and behaviors supportive of sexual violence toward women". (Seabrook)  Again we see that men who view anything, be it porn or even just certain commercials, are likely to become more violent and careless around women.
The fact is that because of pornographic material, men have conditioned themselves to see women as less than human.  Think about it.  They are viewing someone else's body in the way a child views a cotton candy maker.  All that is on their mind is temporary pleasure.  The woman's body is no longer hers.  It is now an object to bring men carnal joy.
But are men the only ones to blame?  It is their actions we're discussing here, after all.  Men, believe it or not, have the ability to choose how they act around a woman.  But put into consideration the female porn stars, exotic dancers, and prostitutes.  They are willingly selling their bodies to men.  Seriously, are there no better ways to make money?  It's mind boggling going onto Facebook and seeing your feminist friends supporting such occupations.  "It's the only way she can make money" is their mantra.  No it's not!  One journalist put it this way: "Feminists have often misunderstood sexual prohibition. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it". (Wolf)  Although it is definitely men's actions that are the problem in today's society, there are women out there, possibly unknowingly, promoting rape culture.  This just makes it more difficult for men to keep their hands to themselves. 

 Works Cited

 

Foubert, John D., et al. “Pornography Viewing among Fraternity Men: Effects on 

          Bystander Intervention, Rape Myth Acceptance, and Behavioral Intent to 

          Commit Sexual Assault."  Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, vol. 18, no. 4,

          October 2011, pp. 212-231.

 

Seabrook, Rita C., et al. “Less than Human? Media Use, Objectification of

          Women, and Men's Acceptance of Sexual Aggression."  Psychology of

          Violence, May 2018.  

 

Wolf, Naomi. “The Trouble with Porn .” Times, The (United Kingdom), Apr.

          2009, p. 7-8. 

Jesus=Hate?

On Tuesday, while I was getting the 6-year old ready for the bus, I received an alert text from my school.  There was a hate group protesting on campus.  The text was just to tell students to be safe.  I didn't have class on Tuesday, so it was nothing I had to worry about.  But I was curious.
A few hours later, a video finally surfaced on YouTube.  The video showed a small group of young men with various protest signs.  One sign read "Women belong in the kitchen".  Another, "You are not a good person".  But the one that stuck out to me said "Obey Jesus".
I was confused.  I had received a text about a hate group on campus.  And, according to other signs and words that were said, Jesus was the center of the protest.  But since when has Jesus been associated with hate groups?
Growing up a Christian, I was taught that Jesus and God are love.  Unconditional love.  Our choices might upset out Father in Heaven, but His love for us never fades.
In today's world, however, many people see Christianity as an enemy.  With protests from Westboro Church and other supposedly Christian organizations, it's no wonder Christianity is being given a bad name.  The world is beginning to think that Christians only care about themselves and their beliefs.  And these beliefs are being forced upon others.  This wasn't the way Jesus acted, and it's surely not the way He wants us to act.
Jesus went about healing the sick, blessing children, and comforting sinners.  Sure,  he would tell people to 'sin no more', but is there anywhere in the Bible where Jesus follows up with these people to see if they have stopped sinning?  I can't think of any.  That's because we all have a choice.  And Jesus respects that.  We have the choice to learn his Gospel, or to shun it.  Whatever choice we make, Jesus still loves us.
So to all my non-Christian friends.  Even though you may not believe in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, I do.  And I know that you are loved.  I love you.  And Jesus loves you.  Regardless of your choices.

A Mental Note

Nothing irks me more than when people blame things on a mental disorder.  "I made this choice because I have a mental illness."  No.  You made that choice because there was a choice to be made.  As you may recall from a previous post (I Am Not My Body), you are not defined by your mental health problems.  You define yourself.
Having grown up with severe social anxiety, I know what it is like to make choices based on my feelings.  And I regret a lot of the choices I made.  I was too scared to do things that I probably would have enjoyed.  But I didn't make my choices because of my anxiety.  The anxiety certainly influenced my choices.  Now, as an adult, I still struggle a lot with my anxiety.  But I push myself out of my comfort zone.  I want to experience life, even if my brain doesn't.  I fight my anxiety.
Which is why certain illnesses becoming mainstream really confuses me.  All this talk about gender dysphoria (aka transgenderism), for example.  Gender dysphoria used to be labelled as a mental illness.  Now, it is a way of life.  It is a choice.  What does that mean for other mental illnesses?
Now, imagine a world where there are no mental illnesses.  Only choices.  Different ways of life.  Anxiety is socially accepted as a way of life.  I am free to never leave my house, to stay cooped up with my fears, terrified of the world around me.  But it's okay.  I made my choice to live with my fears.
What a frightening world!  It gives me anxiety just thinking about it.  Mental illnesses are...well, illnesses.  They are meant to be overcome.  A woman with breast cancer doesn't choose to accept her illness.  She fights it.  A man with diabetes doesn't accept his illness.  He fights it.  A child with the flu doesn't accept their illness.  They fight it.  It really frustrates me that certain mental disorders are being made mainstream while people are still fighting to overcome their own disorders.  I don't mean to start any arguments.  Everyone, including myself, is entitled to their own opinions.  (So please don't stop following me or unfriend me!)  I just want people to see my side of things.  I will respect other people's choices because they are free to make choices.  I can't decide things for others.  But please, don't let a simple hormone imbalance (serotonin in my case) be the deciding factor in your life.  Remember, I am not my body.  Neither are you.  You decide who you want to be.  Choose wisely.