I Am A Masculinist pt. 2

 

Hollywood has done an amazing job at creating strong, independent, female leading roles; Disney, in particular.  But looking back at the past ten or so years, I realized that there aren't many good male leading roles.  You have your stereotypical narcissists who are humbled throughout their adventure, your nerds who become superheroes, and your overbearing fathers who think they know what's best for their children.  I could only think of three movies that broke that mold.

The first movie I thought of was Ratatoullie.  The movie follows Remy, a rat who just wants to fulfill his dream of being a chef.  He has to break down many barriers to get where he wants to be.  He meets up with Alfredo Linguini, a clueless, but seemingly motivated chef wannabe.  Both characters are sensitive to each others' feelings.  Both characters are kind.  And both characters have a realistic goal for their lives.  They don't want to be race car drivers or superheroes; they just want to cook.  

I thought of the movie Coco next.  Miguel is a young boy who has a passion for music.  He also loves his family and only wants to help out.  Through some magical events, he is sent to the afterlife where he meets Hector, another music lover.  Miguel eventually comes to learn that Hector is his great grandfather.  I love this movie because, again, the main characters are kind and trying to reach reasonable goals.

The last movie I could think was Wreck-It Ralph.  Ralph is a big, strong villain who simply wants a chance to be the good guy.  Although he can be grumpy at times, we can see that Ralph has a huge heart.  He wants to be kind and helpful.

I want to see more movies like these three.  Teaching young girls to be strong and independent is important.  But teaching young boys to be kind and to be dreamers is equally as important.  I want to see more movies where the leading male doesn't have to go through a transformation.  He should start out as a good, kind character.  With theses types of examples, I'm sure the men of tomorrow will grow up to be more sensitive and empathetic.  It's in your hands now, Hollywood.

Stand Up to Bullying

 
This past weekend, I took my Little to see the movie Wonder.  It's based off of a novel about a boy, Auggie, who was born with a disfigured face.  After being home schooled for five years, Auggie's parents decide it's time to send him to public school.  And so the movie follows Auggie in his first year of middle school.  Throughout the the movie, Auggie gets teased and called names.  Eventually, though, the other kids learn to like Auggie and become his friend.
This movie really got me thinking about how we can better teach our children to be kind to others and stand up to bullying.  Here are some of my ideas:
1.)  Teach Tolerance
2.)  Be an Example
3.)  Love Everyone
and
4.)  Stand Up

1.)  Teach Tolerance
Bullies tend to pick on those that are different.  In Wonder, Auggie was bullied because of his disfigured face.  In grade school, I was teased because I was so quiet.  And hairy.  I was different.
Children need to understand that everyone is different in their own way.  I was fortunate to grow up in a military community.  I was surrounded by people of all colors and cultures who had lived in many different countries.  I learned tolerance simply by living in a diverse community.  Not everyone is that fortunate.
So how does one teach tolerance?  Start in the home.  Read books or watch movies that deal with people of different cultures.  In the community, you can visit museums that exhibit different cultures.  Visit churches other than your own.  Get to know your neighbors.  Visit nursing homes.  Teach your kids about disabilities.  There is so much you can do just in your neighborhood.

2.)  Be an Example
Believe it or not, your kids watch everything you do.  They learn their behaviors from you.  What are showing them?  How do you treat them?  How do you treat your spouse or ex-spouse?  When you are around your kids, do you think to yourself, "Should I act this way?".
Some key areas to focus on are when you are frustrated or angry.  How do you react to anger?  Some people yell, punch things, curse, you name it.  The six-year old and I had a brief, simple conversation last week after he got angry.  His older brother beat him in Wii Lacrosse, so he flipped him off.  We had a nice chat about how it is okay to be angry, but it's never okay to be mean.  I repeated that a couple times this week.  This applies to parents as well.  It's okay to be angry.  But think about how you display your anger.
Another area to focus on is cursing.  It might not seem like a big deal, but it is.  Using bad language can be damaging.  I have had to work with all three boys on using kind words and substitutions such as heck, shoot, crap, and fridge.  (Yes, you read that right.  The boys say fridge.  "What the fridge?")  By filtering what your child says, your child is learning to think before they speak.  This can eventually lead to thinking before calling someone a bad name.  Thinking before offending someone.  So the more you watch your language, the kinder your kids will be.

3.)  Love Everyone
This one can be difficult.  You expect me to love the kid who called me a werewolf in third grade?  Or the kid who used my younger brother as a punching bag?
Yes.
Love comes easily to some.  They are kind to everyone, get along great with anyone.  But it seems that those types of people are becoming more and more hard to find.  Instead, you find people who throw each other under the bus, hate for no reason, are cruel for their own pleasure.  Don't be like that.
Oftentimes, love begins at forgiveness.  That child that called me a werewolf?  I forgave him.  I eventually learned to laugh along with him, even howl.  That kid who beat up my brother?  I taught him and my brother to be friends.  You have to look past people's actions and words to see who they really are.  This is difficult to teach.  So we go back to teaching by example.  Let your children see you be forgiving, be the bigger person.  They will follow in your footsteps.
The most important thing to do is love your children.  When they feel your love, the warmth that your love brings, they won't be able to help themselves.  They will want to share that warmth with others.

4.)  Stand Up
As important as it is to teach your kids not to be bullies, it is equally important to teach them to stand up to bullies.  Now I don't mean picking fights and defending themselves.  I'm talking about being a tattle tale.
No child wants to be a tattle tale.  That's how you lose friends.  But if someone is picking on you or anyone else, the right thing to do is tell an adult.  Standing up to a bully goes along with loving everyone.  Does your child take pleasure in seeing other kids being picked on?  Or do they want the bullying to stop?  By reporting a bully, your child is showing love to the victim.  Don't let your child be afraid to speak to an adult.  Make sure they know that, even though it might not be the most popular thing to do, being a tattle tale can be the right thing to do.

Wonder had a happy ending.  A lot of bullying stories don't.  Teach your kids to do the right thing.  Teach them to stand up to bullying.

Over Thinking Christmas: The Reason for the Season

It's that time of year again!  Time to celebrate Jesus' birth.  But why do we celebrate the birth of Jesus?  Certainly not just because of the miracle of his birth.  You know the story:  born of a virgin, celebrated by shepherds and wise men, called the King of Kings.  No, I believe that Christmas is celebrated in remembrance of the man that baby Jesus would become.
All around the world, people are celebrating the life of their Savior.  Jesus was the perfect example for us all.  He served others without a second thought.  He healed, even on the Sabbath, though that was illegal.  He understood that some things couldn't wait another day.  He sat and conversed with those who were considered sinners.  He loved unconditionally.  He was, and still is, the perfect example.
Now think of your own life.  Do you serve others without a second thought?  I don't.  Although I serve others, I often think of what I could be doing instead.
Are you willing to do the right thing no matter the consequences?  I am.  But that's probably easier said than done.
Do you love your neighbor, even if they have done you wrong?  Even when others speak poorly of them?
And do you love unconditionally?  Or do you need a good reason to love someone?
Keep all of this in mind this Christmas season as you celebrate the birth of your Savior.  Am I living the way Jesus wants me to live?  Or am I living life the way I want to live?  Just remember that no matter your choice, Jesus still loves you.  He still wants what is best for you.  Because he loves you, unconditionally.

Merry Christmas!

Someone to Look Up to

When I was a Cub Scout, many moons ago, I remember going into the gymnasium at the church to play basketball after Den Meeting.  My fellow Cub Scouts and I would play Knockout with the leaders.  And we always had a blast.  Until the Boy Scouts came in.  The older boys would get a hold of all the basketballs and start their own game, forcing us younger boys off the court.  This always made me so mad.  We were there first!  Needless to say, I didn't really like being around the Boy Scouts.  Or any other teenage boys, for that matter.  They weren't people that I felt like I could look up to.
Everyone needs a good role model in their life.  It can be a parent, a teacher or leader, a friend, or even a friend's parent.  Why only have one?  Have as many as you want!
In my life working as a manny, a respite care provider, a Sunday School teacher, and Big Brother, there are a lot of little eyes looking up at me, watching what I do.  Being a role model comes naturally to me  (I know, toot toot!  There goes Philip tooting his own horn again!).  I love being around children.  For me, they are much easier to get along with than most adults.  In all honesty, I think a lot of my role models are the children I have worked with.  While I do my best to set a good example to the kids around me, little do they know that I am learning from them.  Be yourself, be honest, don't care what other people think, love unconditionally.  A lot can be learned from children.
My goal in life has always been to change the world, even if it's just one person at a time.  I often feel like I am failing at this.  I'm not seeing the fruits of my labors.  But I get surprised sometimes.
A couple of examples.  One day in Cub Scouts (as a leader, now, not as a Scout), I had the boys write thank you letters to someone they look up to.  One of the boys wrote a letter for me.  Now, let me tell you, this boy is insane!  Insanely busy, active, hyper, and talkative.  I felt like I was getting nowhere with this boy.  So you can understand my surprise when this young boy handed me the letter, thanking me for all that I have done for him to make him a better person.  I was deeply touched.
The second example is the 5-year old I take care of.  I had to take a day off for CPR training and the little guy was very stressed out about being with the back-up sitter.  I didn't realize this at the time.  So the week before my day off, I was joking around with the 11-year old about how I had the day off and I was never coming back.  I heard a loud "WHAT?!" from the other room.  The 5-year old came running in with tears in his eyes.  I asked what the matter was.  "You said something mean!" he told me.  I  apologized and explained that I was just joking around with his older brother.  This seemingly insignificant event showed me that, even though he never said anything before, the 5-year old looked up to me.  He felt safe with me.  This is an important thing for a child to feel.  That they can trust someone.
Look around you.  Are you alone?  Are you with people your age?  Younger people?  How do you act around these people?  How should you act around these people?  Ask yourself these questions when you are with others.  Are you the kind of person who takes a basketball from a group of children?  Or are you someone to look up to?