Thursday, July 29, 2021

An Open Letter

 



Dear friends,

I, along with millions of others, have had the Olympics on my mind and on my TV for the past week or so.  The news of Simone Biles opting to stop her participation was huge news this week.  She decided to put her mental health before her fame.  I've seen many different responses to the news.  A lot of love and encouragement, but also a lot of shaming and hate.  I've seen comments on social media from people I know and love.  So here is my open letter to those friends.

For those of you who are shaming Simone Biles for quitting, let me be the first to apologize.  I'm sorry that I, your friend, struggle with mental illness.  I'm sorry that I worry every day about what my future holds, or if I even have a future.  I'm sorry I can be such a Debbie Downer at times.  I'm sorry I'm too afraid at times to act 'normal'.  I'm sorry if I ever made you feel ashamed to call me a friend.

For my friends who are showing love and support towards Simone, I now know who I can turn to in times of trouble.

I, too, have had to make difficult decisions in the past.  Do I keep pressing forward in an emotionally draining environment?  Or do I quit to take care of myself?  I do my best to weigh the pros and cons.  If I can't see myself continuing on and being happy, I'll admit that I give up.  It's never an easy choice, but it's a choice that sometimes needs to be made.  I may give up on a lot of things, but I refuse to give up on myself.

I love each and every one of my friends.  I hope they all know that I can be a listening ear and/or a shoulder to cry on if they need one.  Life gets tough, but you can make it through.  Just make the right choice, even if it's the difficult one.

Your friend and ally, 

Philip 

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Narcissism: A Short Story


   
    Way up in the Scottish Highlands of ancient times, a dragon couple had just established their territory.  Breeding season was only months away, so this couple needed to turn their territory into a home fit for hatchlings.  The male dragon, Aillig, and his female counterpart, Grear, were deeply in love.  You see, dragons were one of the few creatures that mated for life.  Once a bond is made, it becomes nearly impossible to break.
    Aillig and Grear constructed a beautiful nest of stone, in which Grear laid three eggs.
    "I have never been so happy in all my life," Grear told Aillig one day.  "I can't wait to meet our hatchlings."
    On the day the eggs hatched, Aillig was away hunting for food.  He arrived back to the nest to meet his two sons, Torin and Calder, and his daughter, Vanora.  A surge of pride filled Aillig's breast as he beheld his handsome hatchlings.  "This calls for some special gifts," he said to Grear.  Aillig left the nest for a brief period.  When he returned, Grear could see a glint of precious metal shining from Aillig's mouth.  Aillig gifted his three hatchlings with pure gold that he had come across while hunting.
    "It's beautiful," said Grear.  "But what is the purpose?"
    "To remind us of the day our lives changed forever," was Aillig's reply.

    As the years went by, the hatchlings slowly grew into majestic beasts.  Every year, Aillig would bring back gold to celebrate his offspring.  A pile had been formed in the center of the nest for all to see.  When the time came for the hatchlings' first hunting trip, Aillig was nowhere to be found.  Grear took the young dragons out by herself.  She taught them how to draw in and catch a red deer.  After Torin, Calder, and Vanora had each caught their own deer, they returned back to the nest.  Aillig was waiting for them.
    "To commemorate your first hunt," Aillig said, "I have brought each of you a gold figurine I found in a nearby village."  He passed out the figures.  A wolf for Torin, an eagle for Calder, and a bear for Vanora.  The three excited dragons thanked their father and went off to celebrate on their own.
    "Where were you today?" asked Grear.  "You missed the first hunt."
    "I knew you had it under control," was Aillig's reply.  "I went off to get gifts."
    "That was very thoughtful," said Grear, "but don't forget that the greatest gift is spending time with your offspring."
    "Come with me next time," said Aillig, seeming to ignore Grear's words.  "The village is a wonderful place.  The smells of cooked meat.  The sounds of singing and laughter.  And the gold.  You never know what you will find."
    "That does sound wonderful," Grear said.

    Many more years passed.  Aillig continued his tradition of treasure hunting.  He soon began going off multiple times a year.  The pile of treasures was moved down to a crag under the nest, still in full sight.  Although the young dragons told him they had enough treasure, Aillig continued to hunt for more, keeping most of his findings for himself.
    Early in the morning of the young dragons' Sending Away, Aillig went off to find the biggest treasures he could.  Sending one's offspring out into the world to find their own ways was the most important of dragon traditions.  Aillig needed to find something extra special for this day, no matter how long it took.  He returned late into the night with a large gold framed mirror.  This was the most perfect gift Aillig had ever brought home.  
    As the nest came into sight, Aillig noticed that Grear was waiting there for him, by herself.  "Where are the offspring?" he asked.
    "I sent them away," Grear answered angrily.  "They are moving on with their lives now."
    "You didn't wait for me?" asked Aillig, smoke curling from his nostrils.
    Grear frowned.  "I was unsure when you would return.  There have been times when you were gone for days."
    "I needed the perfect gift," Aillig growled.
    "The offspring don't care about your gifts," Grear snarled.  "They have told you multiple times.  You seem not to hear anything but your own greed."
    "I did this for them, not for myself."  Aillig glared at Grear.  "I care deeply about our offspring."
    "You have a strange way of showing it."  Grear turned her back on Aillig.  "I am going to sleep now.  I am leaving in the morning.  I need a respite from your avarice."  Grear left Aillig alone with his thoughts.
    Why does she not understand that everything I do is for my family? Aillig wondered.  She won't actually leave me...will she?
    This is when Aillig's already crumbling mind completely snapped.  "She can't be allowed to leave," he said to himself.

    The next morning, an earsplitting, woeful roar filled the air.  "What have you done?" Grear screamed at Aillig.  She looked back towards her tail.  Her once beautiful wings had been shredded.  Dried blood crusted the large tears in the wing membrane.  Pieces of flesh littered the nest floor.
    "I couldn't let you leave," was Aillig's reply.  "We need each other.  We are bound for life.  I couldn't let you follow through with your selfish need for 'respite'."
    "Your actions have proven that bonds can be broken," Grear cried, the pain beginning to settle in.  "You are the selfish one.  Everything you have ever done was for your own gain."
    "Everything I did was for our family."  Aillig was beginning to get angry again.
    "I can't...," Grear huffed.  "I can't talk...Too much pain."
    "Of course you can't talk," Aillig snapped.  "You never talk when it comes to my feelings.  It's always about you.  I've had enough!"  With that, Aillig pushed Grear over the edge of the nest.  He listened for the thud, shuddering when it finally came.
    "She's gone now," he muttered to himself.  "She can't hurt me anymore."

    Over the decades, Aillig fought off many a foe.  Humans seeking the treasure they could see from miles away.  Other dragons attempting to rob him of his territory.  Aillig eventually hid his treasure in a cave near his nest.  He would spend hours looking at the mirror.  He never looked at his reflection, only the gold frame around the mirror.  Upon leaving the cave one day, Aillig noticed movement near the nest.
    "Calder?" he said.  "Is that you?"
    "Hello father," Calder said.  "I've come to see how you were doing.  I heard about mother's fall so many years ago.  I would have come sooner, but I had my own offspring to take care of."
    "I am doing well," Aillig responded.  "I am happy here by myself.  I have everything I need."
    "I'm glad to hear that," said Calder.  "I also came to ask if you would join me in my nest.  I've seen how difficult life can get for the elderly."
    "Life isn't difficult at all," Aillig said with a small snarl.  "I said I am fine."
    "I just thought I would offer."
    "Because you think I am like the other elderly dragons?  I can take care of myself."
    "I understand.  I thought maybe-"
    "I don't need anything," Aillig growled.  "I am capable of taking care of myself.  I am happy on my own."
    Calder hesitated.  "You don't seem happy, father."
    Aillig let out a roar, a wave of smoke exiting his mouth.  "Who are you to tell me if I am happy or not?  You, who left me alone.  After all I did for you and your siblings, you left without a goodbye."
    "We waited hours for your return, father," Calder said, tears forming in his eyes.  "You left us wondering when you would return.  We all agreed that we had to go.  Mother gave us a beautiful sending away."
    "Don't speak to me about your mother," Aillig growled.  "She never loved me.  I want no more to do with her."  
    Calder let out a sob.  "I can't do this, father.  I must go.  Goodbye."  Aillig turned his back as Calder flew away.
    Aillig continued to live alone.  Other dragons were finally successful in taking over Aillig's nest.  Taking pity on an elderly dragon, they allowed Aillig to reside in his cave of treasures, where he eventually passed into the next realm.  All alone, with nothing but his reflection in his prized gold framed mirror.