An Open Letter

 

Dear friends,

I, along with millions of others, have had the Olympics on my mind and on my TV for the past week or so.  The news of Simone Biles opting to stop her participation was huge news this week.  She decided to put her mental health before her fame.  I've seen many different responses to the news.  A lot of love and encouragement, but also a lot of shaming and hate.  I've seen comments on social media from people I know and love.  So here is my open letter to those friends.

For those of you who are shaming Simone Biles for quitting, let me be the first to apologize.  I'm sorry that I, your friend, struggle with mental illness.  I'm sorry that I worry every day about what my future holds, or if I even have a future.  I'm sorry I can be such a Debbie Downer at times.  I'm sorry I'm too afraid at times to act 'normal'.  I'm sorry if I ever made you feel ashamed to call me a friend.

For my friends who are showing love and support towards Simone, I now know who I can turn to in times of trouble.

I, too, have had to make difficult decisions in the past.  Do I keep pressing forward in an emotionally draining environment?  Or do I quit to take care of myself?  I do my best to weigh the pros and cons.  If I can't see myself continuing on and being happy, I'll admit that I give up.  It's never an easy choice, but it's a choice that sometimes needs to be made.  I may give up on a lot of things, but I refuse to give up on myself.

I love each and every one of my friends.  I hope they all know that I can be a listening ear and/or a shoulder to cry on if they need one.  Life gets tough, but you can make it through.  Just make the right choice, even if it's the difficult one.

Your friend and ally, 

Philip 

Overthinking Respect

When I was working at Pizza Hut, I had a lot of customers come in who were of the Hindu faith.  Although not required, a majority of the Hindus don't eat meat.  They believe in the sanctity of life for every creature.  These customers always emphasized that there should be no meat on their pizza.  On the rare occasion that a piece bacon somehow made its way in with the onions, these customers would ask for a remake.  They would not eat something that even touched a piece of meat.  

As irritating as this was, I just had to remind myself that I needed to respect these customers' beliefs.  I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  And I certainly didn't want to make anyone feel like they had just committed a sin.

I eat meat.  Mostly chicken.  I don't believe that anything bad will happen if I consume that tiny piece of bacon hidden among the onions.  But the world doesn't revolve around me.  I do my best to remember the needs and concerns of the people around me.

Which brings me to wearing masks.  I hate having to wear a mask.  I hate breathing in the warm, moist air my mask provides.  And I hate trying to readjust my glasses every few minutes so they don't fog up.  But I am one of the many people who believes that wearing a mask can protect you and those around you.

I have some friends who believe they don't need to wear masks.  They think the Coronavirus is no worse than the flu.  I can't say if they're right or wrong.  I'm no doctor or scientist.  What I can say is that we need to respect the choices of the people around us.  Like me, many people in the country believe that wearing a mask can protect themselves and the people around them.  If you don't want to wear a mask for yourself, please at least wear a mask for everyone around you.  You can protest all you want.  You can go mask free when you are around others who feel the same as you do.  But if you need to go pick up a gallon of milk, put a mask on.  

During these crazy times, I can't think of anything more unkind than not wearing a mask in public.  Sure, you're showing that you don't believe wearing them changes anything.  But, perhaps unintentionally, you're also showing that you don't care about the people around you.  The world does not revolve around you.

I just want you to think about this.  Would you serve a vegetarian meat?  No, that's just rude.  Why is wearing a mask any different?

As I Have Loved You...

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  As a member of this church, I was taught at a young age to love everyone and treat everyone equally.  This doesn't mean I have to agree with everyone.  I don't disagree out of hate; that would go against my beliefs.  I disagree because of my beliefs.  Allow me to explain.
One of the core beliefs in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that we lived in Heaven before we came to Earth.  We call this the Premortal Existence.  We lived as spirits in the Premortal Existence, and we were born of heavenly parents.  Our spirits had the same genders we were born with in this mortal world.  For example, even in the Premortal Existence, I was a male.
Another core belief is that families can be together forever.  We believe that marriage is between a man and woman and that, if they are able, they are obligated to have children so that those spirits waiting in the Premortal Existence can also have a chance to obtain a body.
These are a couple of the beliefs of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  We as members are entitled to these beliefs.  We are not, however, entitled to being hateful and disrespectful to those who don't live our beliefs.  We are all free agents, free to make our own life choices. 
Something I found interesting was the fact that "only 40 percent of Mormons favor allowing same-sex couples to marry, yet nearly 7-in-10 (69 percent) support laws that would protect LGBT people from discrimination in housing, public accommodations, and employment" (Dallas, 2018).  Even though we don't agree with same-sex marriage, we are still willing to protect the rights of the members of the LGBTQ+ community.
My New Year's resolution for this year was to treat others the way Christ would treat them.  I strongly believe that Christ loves everyone, no matter how they choose to live their lives, even if it's not in accordance with what He taught.  Christ loves unconditionally.  I think we need less arguing and politics, and more unconditional love in this world.

Works Cited

Dallas, K. (2018). Mormons stand out from other faith groups for their views on LGBT rights. [online]    DeseretNews.com. Available at: https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900017419/mormons-stand-out-from-other-faith-groups-for-their-views-on-lgbt-rights.html [Accessed 14 Jun. 2019].

Love Thy Neighbor

A woman from the church I attend recently became a U.S. citizen.  She was born and raised in Mexico and moved to the United States as an adult.  When other members of the church learned that she had gained citizenship, there was an outpouring of love and congratulations.  The support she received was overwhelming.
This got me thinking.  Why is it that we try to keep immigrants out?  Why don't we support them?  Why don't we help them?
Let's look at an example.  Last year, I was taking an online math class.  Math is ridiculously difficult for me.  In fact, this was my second time taking the same math class.  But I had support.  My parents pushed me and made sure I stayed on track.  I had a friend tutor me before tests.  Because of the help and love of others, I eventually passed the class.
Why can't we do the same for immigrants?  Instead of pushing them out of the country, let's push them closer to becoming a U.S. citizen.  Let's go out of our ways to help them achieve what they came here to do.  Becoming a U.S. citizen is not an easy task.  It takes time and work.  I feel that we, U.S. citizens born and raised, should want to help our new neighbors.  They're just looking for a better life.  They want the same life you have.  Why should we deny them that right?  The first step in opening our borders is opening our hearts.

Stand Up to Bullying

 
This past weekend, I took my Little to see the movie Wonder.  It's based off of a novel about a boy, Auggie, who was born with a disfigured face.  After being home schooled for five years, Auggie's parents decide it's time to send him to public school.  And so the movie follows Auggie in his first year of middle school.  Throughout the the movie, Auggie gets teased and called names.  Eventually, though, the other kids learn to like Auggie and become his friend.
This movie really got me thinking about how we can better teach our children to be kind to others and stand up to bullying.  Here are some of my ideas:
1.)  Teach Tolerance
2.)  Be an Example
3.)  Love Everyone
and
4.)  Stand Up

1.)  Teach Tolerance
Bullies tend to pick on those that are different.  In Wonder, Auggie was bullied because of his disfigured face.  In grade school, I was teased because I was so quiet.  And hairy.  I was different.
Children need to understand that everyone is different in their own way.  I was fortunate to grow up in a military community.  I was surrounded by people of all colors and cultures who had lived in many different countries.  I learned tolerance simply by living in a diverse community.  Not everyone is that fortunate.
So how does one teach tolerance?  Start in the home.  Read books or watch movies that deal with people of different cultures.  In the community, you can visit museums that exhibit different cultures.  Visit churches other than your own.  Get to know your neighbors.  Visit nursing homes.  Teach your kids about disabilities.  There is so much you can do just in your neighborhood.

2.)  Be an Example
Believe it or not, your kids watch everything you do.  They learn their behaviors from you.  What are showing them?  How do you treat them?  How do you treat your spouse or ex-spouse?  When you are around your kids, do you think to yourself, "Should I act this way?".
Some key areas to focus on are when you are frustrated or angry.  How do you react to anger?  Some people yell, punch things, curse, you name it.  The six-year old and I had a brief, simple conversation last week after he got angry.  His older brother beat him in Wii Lacrosse, so he flipped him off.  We had a nice chat about how it is okay to be angry, but it's never okay to be mean.  I repeated that a couple times this week.  This applies to parents as well.  It's okay to be angry.  But think about how you display your anger.
Another area to focus on is cursing.  It might not seem like a big deal, but it is.  Using bad language can be damaging.  I have had to work with all three boys on using kind words and substitutions such as heck, shoot, crap, and fridge.  (Yes, you read that right.  The boys say fridge.  "What the fridge?")  By filtering what your child says, your child is learning to think before they speak.  This can eventually lead to thinking before calling someone a bad name.  Thinking before offending someone.  So the more you watch your language, the kinder your kids will be.

3.)  Love Everyone
This one can be difficult.  You expect me to love the kid who called me a werewolf in third grade?  Or the kid who used my younger brother as a punching bag?
Yes.
Love comes easily to some.  They are kind to everyone, get along great with anyone.  But it seems that those types of people are becoming more and more hard to find.  Instead, you find people who throw each other under the bus, hate for no reason, are cruel for their own pleasure.  Don't be like that.
Oftentimes, love begins at forgiveness.  That child that called me a werewolf?  I forgave him.  I eventually learned to laugh along with him, even howl.  That kid who beat up my brother?  I taught him and my brother to be friends.  You have to look past people's actions and words to see who they really are.  This is difficult to teach.  So we go back to teaching by example.  Let your children see you be forgiving, be the bigger person.  They will follow in your footsteps.
The most important thing to do is love your children.  When they feel your love, the warmth that your love brings, they won't be able to help themselves.  They will want to share that warmth with others.

4.)  Stand Up
As important as it is to teach your kids not to be bullies, it is equally important to teach them to stand up to bullies.  Now I don't mean picking fights and defending themselves.  I'm talking about being a tattle tale.
No child wants to be a tattle tale.  That's how you lose friends.  But if someone is picking on you or anyone else, the right thing to do is tell an adult.  Standing up to a bully goes along with loving everyone.  Does your child take pleasure in seeing other kids being picked on?  Or do they want the bullying to stop?  By reporting a bully, your child is showing love to the victim.  Don't let your child be afraid to speak to an adult.  Make sure they know that, even though it might not be the most popular thing to do, being a tattle tale can be the right thing to do.

Wonder had a happy ending.  A lot of bullying stories don't.  Teach your kids to do the right thing.  Teach them to stand up to bullying.