Adulting: The First 10 Years

Last week, I celebrated my 28th birthday.  On Monday, I went roller skating.  I only fell on my bum three times.  On Tuesday, I saw Captain Marvel.  And on Wednesday, my actual birthday, I worked.  Such is the life of an adult.

I have now had ten years of adulting experience.  I hate to say it, but I still don't know how to be an adult.  In just two years, I'll have spent about a third of life as an adult, I wouldn't be surprised if I am still as clueless as I am today.

Things have gotten easier, though.  Since moving out to Idaho, I feel that I have become a more responsible person.  I've definitely learned the value of money, that's for sure.  I used to think $5 was nothing.  Now I feel greatly humbled and blessed anytime I receive a dollar bill.

My body is starting to go.  My knee is doing some weird things and I can never seem to sleep in a position that my neck likes.  Not to mention the white hairs popping up like dandelions in my sideburns.

Overall, life is good.  I learn new things weekly, usually the hard way.  But that's just life.

It Always Works Out pt. 2

In my last post, "It Always Works Out", I talked about my financial troubles and asking for help.  Something that has been weighing heavily on my mind is the mental stress I was going through.  My anxiety levels were through the roof, and I  was more depressed than I had ever been in my life.  During this time, a thought came to me.  I truly understood why people end their own lives.  As depressed as I was, I never got to the point where I wanted to commit suicide.  But I was fully aware of why others would or already have.  

My life had gotten to a point where there was no hope left for me.  I know it was just my anxiety talking to me, but I believed it for awhile.  There was no way I was ever going to get out of the financial hole I had dug myself in to.  At least, not alone.  And that's why I called my bishop and accepted free food storage.  I knew exactly who to talk to help me solve some of my problems.  And I made it through because of the assistance I received.

In past posts, I have compared life to many different things.  In this case, life is like a road leading to the sunset.  My road hadn't ended yet.  Hopefully I still have many miles to go before I reach my sunset.  My message to you is to not give up, no matter how difficult life gets.  Take some time right now to think of who you can reach out to if your life hits a low point.  No one wants to see your road end too early.  Keep going strong.

It Always Works Out

For a while, certain things in my life seemed to come easily.  My Pennsylvania health care coverage, for example.  I applied for information from Medicaid.  Instead of information, they gave me free coverage.  Not what I asked for, but I didn't complain.  Another example is when I moved out to Idaho expecting to job hunt for a few weeks.  Instead, I got a job offer my first day in Idaho.  Until recently, things always seemed to fall into place for me.

To make a long story short, 2018 was a very expensive year for me, what with car repairs, buying a new (to me) car, then having to make repairs on that car, followed by my cat getting sick and having to pay vet bills.  Fortunately, I had more money saved up than I had ever had.  Unfortunately, I used all of it.  Up until a week ago, I had $40 in the bank.  I now have $9.  I started a new job recently that I absolutely love.  When pay day came around, I called my boss to see if I was getting a check or if my direct deposit had been approved.  This was while I still had $40 in the bank.  She informed me that because of the date on which I started, I would be waiting another two weeks for my first paycheck.  

Meanwhile, I barely had any food, I'd missed two credit card payments and a car payment, and my debit card was halted due to my late payments.  I also needed to pay for rent and my Idaho health coverage.

Then, on Valentine's Day, I got a flat tire.

It seemed as though things just kept getting worse.  My amazing younger brother helped me out a lot, but he couldn't cover everything.  It was time to talk to the bishop at my church.

One of the many wonderful things the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has set up is a Bishop's Storehouse.  When an individual or family is tight on money and in need of food, all they need to do is call their bishop.  A food order will be placed to pick up.

I spoke with my bishop and asked for a week's worth of food.  When I picked up my order, I learned that he had ordered about a month's worth of food.  I was a little upset, to be honest.  There were people who needed that food more than I did, I'm sure.  But I couldn't say no to the order after it had already been placed.  I left with bags and bags of food and a slight shade of embarrassment on my face.

A couple days later, I remembered all the payments I had to make with my upcoming paycheck.  I realized that after I made all these payments, I wouldn't have much left over for groceries.  I was relieved, no longer embarrassed, that my bishop had ordered me so much food.  I saw that, even though my bishop is just a man, he was inspired by Heavenly Father.  I will be forever grateful that he ordered more food than I thought I needed.  Things had worked out yet again.

I learned a lot during this trial.  I learned humility.  I learned to better understand God's love for me as an individual.  I learned that, even though it didn't come easily like it usually did for me, everything still worked out in the end.

More Adventures in Babysitting

I got to watch the younger two boys tonight while the oldest and his mom went to the high school for an open house.  (Hard to believe he's going to be in high school next school year!)  The younger boys were sitting, relaxing with their iPads playing Agar.io with each other.  The 7-year old was told by his mom that 7:00 was bath time.  When 7:00 arrived, the iPad was shelved and the 7-year old and I went upstairs to the bathroom.  Okay, actually I had to pry the iPad out of his seemingly adhesive fingers and carry him upstairs, him squirming and laughing the whole way up.

As I filled up the bathtub, the 7-year old went to find a toy to play with.  I guess the battalion of army men and tanks already in the tub weren't enough.  He quickly returned with a magnetic dart board and a paperclip.  He MacGyvered the paperclip into a hook so we could hang the dartboard from the shower curtain rod.  He then stripped down and hopped into the tub, only to sit down and realize he had to pee.

"Oh wait, never mind!"

I drained and refilled the tub and he was finally on his way to cleanliness.  We played a couple rounds of darts and then it was time to clean up.  I couldn't find any shampoo, so I went to the other bathroom to grab some.  When I came back, the bathtub was empty and there were wet footprints leading downstairs.  I found the missing person hiding behind the couch, au naturale.  We made our way back to the bathroom, the 7-year old again laughing the whole way.  He got back in the bathtub, sat down, looked up and me, and smiled a mischievous smile .

That's when the tidal wave hit.

I might as well have been in the tub, too, after how wet I got.  The tidal wave came with splashes and howling winds (or maybe just a howling 7-year old...) and soaked me to the bone.  I never had a chance to get away.

Bath time eventually came to an end.  The bathroom never knew what hit it.

These adventures in babysitting are what keep me going.  There is rarely a dull moment.  And the love and laughter is worth more than the paycheck.  The money is just nice bonus.

New Year's Resolution: WWJD?

In January of 2018, I gave up sugar.  In March of 2018, I was back to eating sugar, although I'll admit, I don't crave it as much.  For 2019, I wanted to do something more meaningful that focused less on myself and more on others.

While living in Idaho for the past three months, I have felt lonely and depressed.  For three weeks in a row, however, during my weekly trip to Walmart, I was able to help some people.  The first two weeks, I simply got something from a high shelf for women, after being politely asked.  The third week, I saw a woman carrying some things in her arms and pushing a case of water bottles with her feet.  Without being asked, I picked up the water bottles and walked to the front of the store with this woman ("I'm not sure where my husband went..." she told me).  These experiences brought me temporary happiness in my lonely state of being.  Although it was temporary, it is the type of happiness I long for.

For the upcoming year, my resolution is love others as Jesus loves them.  This isn't just about helping out those in need.  I'm going to attempt to step way out of my comfort zone and befriend those who, like myself, seem lonely.  What better way for me to make friends?  

This last year, I've been trying really hard to see others the way Christ sees them.  I have met or worked with people who just really get my blood boiling.  But I've noticed that when I show them Christlike love, it becomes much easier to work with them.  Something I've thought a lot about is the emphasis on "I am a child of God" when really, the emphasis should be on "He/She is a child of God".  We get so wrapped up in our own struggles that we forget that the people around us may be having struggles of their own.  

I think of the story of Christ when he fed the multitudes.  He went off to a secluded place but was followed by a mass of people.  Rather than send them away, Christ taught them and healed the sick.  He had his apostles feed them.  He still showed love, even though he was trying to get away for some alone time.

I know that some of what I have proposed to do is going to be difficult, but I also know that through serving others, my life will be blessed as I bless the lives around me.  The road to happiness just might be that simple.

Must Be Funny

I grew up a Nintendo kid.  Super Mario, Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda, Pokemon.  With the press of a button I was transported into a world of adventure.  I enjoyed hours of mind numbing entertainment.  At least, my mom thought it was mind numbing.  In fact, one of the most important life skills was taught to me through video games.  That skill was money management.
In the Pokemon games, you can earn money (Pokedollars) by winning Pokemon battles.  The Pokedollars can be used to purchase items for your Pokemon, decorations for your clubhouse, or various activities.  I quickly learned that I had to save my Pokedollars so I could purchase enough health items for my Pokemon before battling the Champion.  In one game, I got up to 900,000 Pokedollars.  I panicked anytime my balance went under 900,000.
In real life, I earn money and I watch how much I spend.  If I reach a certain balance, I reduce my spending.  I save up for important things that I need to succeed in my life.  The year 2018 has been a struggle, though.  Between a new car, car repairs, vet bills, and moving out to Idaho, it became very difficult to save money.  I was spending more than I was earning.  I eventually got to the point where I just stopped spending.  I literally only bought food and gas.
I now have next to nothing in my accounts.  But, because of what I learned as a child playing Nintendo, I can now make a dollar go a long way.  My banking account keeps me up at night, but in the morning, I remember that everything always works out in the end for those who work for what they need.  And 2018 is almost over.  Here's to a cheap and thrifty 2019!

Wanted vs. Needed

Something I have struggled with a lot for the past years is feeling wanted.  Probably the most difficult thing about having anxiety is the fear of what other people think about me.  I tend to over think things when I am around others.  Why did I say that?  Why am I still talking?  They're probably waiting for me to shut up so they can leave.  And when I'm by myself, the thoughts still come.  Why am I such a boring person?  What are my talents?  Why is it so hard to like me?  Acknowledging the fact that these thoughts stem from my anxiety makes it a little bit easier for to socialize.  But the thing I still can't help but wonder is:  Why do I feel needed, but not wanted?
I feel like being wanted is much more important than being needed.  I have people asking me favors all the time.  Other than that, they really don't talk to me.  I'm only a friend when someone needs something.Then I started Mannying.  For the first time in a long time, I actually felt wanted.  The boys and I developed a wonderful relationship.  I didn't realize just how wonderful it was until it was time to leave them.  All three boys got stressed out and I went into the worst and longest depression I'd ever been in.  I often wondered why I was feeling the way I was.  I realized it was because I wasn't used to feeling wanted.
Now, out in Idaho, I have a Mannying job two days a week.  My highlight of the week is knocking on the door and hearing my name being called out excitedly.  And when the parents come home and it's time for me to leave, the kids lock the doors and tell me I can't leave.  I actually have to sneak out of the house some nights.  But I love it!  The kids want me around.  They want me around.  It's a great feeling.
What I think everyone should remember is to treat everyone like they are important, because they are.  Next time you need a favor from someone, make sure you also make an effort to get to know that someone better.  Try harder to be their friend.
At this point in my life, I'm trying to figure out how I can change so people will want to be around me.  As much as I love the kids I work with, it's kind of embarrassing saying that my best friend is two decades younger than me.  I just need to break out of my shell called anxiety.

Operation: Childspeak pt. 4

In one of the classes I'm currently taking (Behavioral Learning Psychology), we learned about reinforcement and punishment.  There are two types of reinforcement and two types of punishment:  positive and negative.  Positive reinforcement is rewarding a good behavior by giving the child something they want, such as a treat.  Negative reinforcement is rewarding a good behavior by taking something the child doesn't want, such as giving them a break from a chore.  Positive punishment is giving something aversive to the child after a bad behavior, such as a spanking or time out.  Negative punishment is taking something from a child after a bad behavior, such as taking away a privilege.  For this post, I will be focusing on positive reinforcement.
I have mentioned before that childspeak is centered around love.  You know your child best, but have you ever thought about their love languages?  These can be the perfect and simplest forms of positive reinforcement.  I'll admit that I always thought that love languages were a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  But after working with children for as long as I have, I have come to realize that every child responds differently to different reinforcements.  Almost all of these reinforcements fall under a love language category.
The five love languages are:  Physical touch, service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time.  For kids, I have found that the three most effective love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time.
The boys I worked with in Pennsylvania loved receiving gifts.  But the gifts weren't used for long.  The boys eventually got bored with them.  This told me that receiving gifts was not one of their love languages.  I eventually found that the boys fell under three categories of love language:  Physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time.  Physical touch and words of affirmation are by far the easiest forms of reinforcement.  Anytime one of the boys performed a good behavior, such as cleaning something up without being asked or simply using good manners, I would gently put my hand on their back (physical touch) and praise them (words of affirmation) for being awesome.  When homework and chores got finished in a timely fashion, we then had plenty of time to spend together (quality time).  I found that these three types of reinforcement worked much better than physical prizes.  Not only did the boys feel rewarded, they also felt loved.
The love languages don't have to be used for just reinforcement, though.  When consoling a child, a certain love language can help the child calm down.  Gently rubbing their back (physical touch), while sitting with them (quality time) and assuring them that everything will be okay (words of affirmation) works wonders.  I have even used this technique during tantrums.  But doesn't that reinforce the tantrum? you might ask?  Not at all.  During a tantrum, your child is of a different mind set.  One of the boys had a pretty severe tantrum my second to last day with him.  While I sat with him (quality time), gently rubbed his back (physical touch), and told him everything was okay (words of affirmation), the boy told me that he felt like his mother didn't love him.  He knew this wasn't true, but he was in a different mindset.  At that moment in time, he genuinely believed his mother didn't love him.  I sat and talked with him until he calmed down, my hand continuing to do gentle laps around his back.  Because of how well I know this child, I can tell you that he calmed down a lot quicker than if I had just left him alone to scream and cry.
Remember that for this child, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time were the love languages needed.  This isn't the case for every child.  For a lot of children, it's actually better to leave them alone during a tantrum.  They may be so angry with you that they don't want you anywhere near them.  After speaking with them gently to tell them everything will be alright (words of affirmation), leave the child alone.  If that is what they want, then you will be providing a service for them, which, if you remember, is one of the love languages.
Every child is different.  I don't know what your child's specific love languages are.  But I urge you to find out what they are.  Your relationship with your child will grow in a way that every parent wishes for.  Your child just wants to be loved.  The more love they receive, the more love they are likely to give.

'Man's Search For Meaning' Book Review

I kind of cheated this week.  This is actually paper I had to write for my History and Systems of Psychology class.

Man's Search for Meaning Book Review

Viktor E. Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning has been a must-read for decades. Frankl's portrayals of his experiences in Auschwitz are both haunting and enlightening. The book is split into two sections: Frankl's experiences in Auschwitz and other concentration camps; and a detailed description of logotherapy and its uses. While at the concentration camps, Frankl described the hardships he and his colleagues faced. He mentioned the pains and illnesses suffered in the camps and how he was able to rise above them all and stay optimistic. Years later, after returning to normal every day life, Frankl coined the term logotherapy, which he defined as “the meanings to be fulfilled by the patient in his future” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 98). In other words, logotherapy helps patients reevaluate their lives so they can make the changes needed to live a happier life. Frankl then gave different examples of how he has used logotherapy to help various patients.

While in the concentration camps, Frankl witnessed many of his fellow prisoners give up on life. They had lost their meaning for living. Because of his medical experience, Frankl was put to work as a camp medic. He saw a lot of illness and death. For many of the deaths, though, Frankl believes the cause to be a mental shut down of sorts. Living in a concentration takes a toll on a person and it is easy to give up. The men he saw die were usually the ones who had given up on life. This goes to show how important it is to have a meaning in life.

The second part of the book explains logotherapy, which Frankl used to help people renew their sense of purpose. He gave examples of different methods he used with his patients. One method Frankl used, which was the basis of logotherapy, was the paradoxical intention. Frankl discovered that by having someone willingly try to react to their fears, they would find that they physically could not react. Frankl gave the example of a boy who had a stutter. The boy got caught hitching a ride on a streetcar and attempted to exaggerate his stuttering for sympathy. He actually didn't stutter at all. By forcing himself to do something he did involuntarily, he was able overcome it (Frankl, V., 1959, pp.126). The goal of using logotherapy is to reestablish someone's meaning. When someone is feelin helpless and just wants to give up, usually by suicide, logotherapy can be used to help the subject overcome their struggle and reawaken their sense of meaning.

The part of the book that stood out to me the most was in part two when Frankl discussed the existential vaccuum. Frankl defines the existential vaccuum as a person's “inner emptiness, a void within themselves” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 106). This is my first semester at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I had been attending a community college in my home state of Pennsylvania before moving out west. I have experienced the existential vacuum first hand. Other than going to my classes, church, and work, I spent a lot of my time in bed. I felt empty inside, often wondering if I had made the right choice in moving out west. I know what I want to do with my life, but with over three years left of college, I wondered if it was worth it.

There was a particular day I was really struggling in my search for motivation and meaning. The next day, in part two of Man's Search for Meaning, I read the following: “...everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 109). This simple sentence, and a few lines before, really struck me. Not only did my life have meaning, but I was the only one who could fulfill it.

After eventually getting my Masters degree, I plan on being a middle school guidance counselor. I love working with kids, especially in the pre- to young teen ages. I have been working with children through Church and my job for years. After reading the line mentioned above, I realized that maybe I am the only one who can help a certain child in the future. My eyes were opened from reading Frankl's words. And my meaning reasserted itself. College made sense to me again. Even though it is difficult right now, the end goal is what should be my priority.

Frankl's book, though difficult in parts, was a great read for me. It truly changed my perspective on what life is about. I have a new outlook on life that I pray I will never become blind to. 

 

Works Cited

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Mans search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.

A Great Depression

Moving out to Idaho was definitely the most difficult thing I have ever done.  Don't get me wrong, I was ready to be on my own.  I'm keeping up with my finances, grocery shopping, and medications.  I'm being very responsible.  The hard part was leaving the people I know and love.  The hard part was going from busy busy busy to laying in bed wondering what to do next.
Classes are going well.  I'm doing well in both.  I'm working two days a week, five hours each day.  I love my job as a Manny and look forward to Wednesdays and Saturdays.  My cat, Zoe, has finally adjusted to living in a new place, even though she never leaves the bedroom.  She's more relaxed and cuddly.  Things really are going well.
So why am I so depressed?
Back in Pennsylvania, before I left, I was rarely at home.  I had a lot of things going on in my life.  A lot of positive things.  A job that kept me busy, a Little Brother to visit with, a job at church working with other single adults.  I basically went home to eat and sleep.  But now, I rarely leave my apartment.  I go to class, to church, run errands, and hang out with people I'm slowly getting to know and open up to.  That doesn't take up a lot of my time, though.  When I'm not doing homework, I can usually be found in my room napping or playing games on my Kindle, only leaving to use the bathroom or get something to eat.  When I'm not at work or school, I honestly struggle with finding a purpose.
Depression isn't new to me.  I've been depressed before, but only for a day or two at a time.  This has been going on for a couple of months now.  Now before you start to worry, I would never hurt myself or anyone.  I like to think that I am generally a cheerful person.  So, in a way, you could say I have optimistic depression.  I'm struggling, but I know it's only temporary.  I just need a purpose.
I have been searching for and applying to Mannying jobs.  My current boss has referred me to multiple people.  Something is bound to come my way.
I have made a couple of new friends.  With my social anxiety, it's always been difficult for me to make friends, so I expected friendships to take awhile.  But I'm getting there.  As much as I hate meeting new people, I have met some pretty awesome folks out here.
My slump will end.  I have really good days, usually days that I work.  I remain positive in all that do.  It gets tough, but I like to think that I'm tougher.

How Porn Kills Love

For the past couple of years, sexual misconduct has become one of the most recurring stories on evening news broadcasts.  Top tier celebrities and politicians have been accused of rape or molestation.  People often wonder what would possess someone to take advantage of another human in such a heinous manner.  Studies are beginning to show that addiction to pornography may be to blame.
One such study reviewed the differences between men who view pornography and those that don't.  The study eventually found that "men who viewed pornography, report a greater likelihood of raping, committing sexual assault, higher rape myth acceptance, lower willingness to intervene in a sexual assault situation, and lower efficacy to intervene in a sexual assault situation". (Foubert)  Men who view pornography desensitize themselves to the fact that a woman is not an object.  They eventually become willing to do anything for a little bit of pleasure, no matter who it hurts.
Another study was performed to find how men reacted to different genres of entertainment.  While drama and comedy did not seem to solicit negative results, sports, pornography, music videos, and even reality TV produced violent and objectifying results.  These forms of entertainment in one way or another tend to objectify women, whether in the show itself or in the commercials.  These findings indicated that "exposure to sexually objectifying media is associated with greater endorsement of attitudes and behaviors supportive of sexual violence toward women". (Seabrook)  Again we see that men who view anything, be it porn or even just certain commercials, are likely to become more violent and careless around women.
The fact is that because of pornographic material, men have conditioned themselves to see women as less than human.  Think about it.  They are viewing someone else's body in the way a child views a cotton candy maker.  All that is on their mind is temporary pleasure.  The woman's body is no longer hers.  It is now an object to bring men carnal joy.
But are men the only ones to blame?  It is their actions we're discussing here, after all.  Men, believe it or not, have the ability to choose how they act around a woman.  But put into consideration the female porn stars, exotic dancers, and prostitutes.  They are willingly selling their bodies to men.  Seriously, are there no better ways to make money?  It's mind boggling going onto Facebook and seeing your feminist friends supporting such occupations.  "It's the only way she can make money" is their mantra.  No it's not!  One journalist put it this way: "Feminists have often misunderstood sexual prohibition. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it". (Wolf)  Although it is definitely men's actions that are the problem in today's society, there are women out there, possibly unknowingly, promoting rape culture.  This just makes it more difficult for men to keep their hands to themselves. 

 Works Cited

 

Foubert, John D., et al. “Pornography Viewing among Fraternity Men: Effects on 

          Bystander Intervention, Rape Myth Acceptance, and Behavioral Intent to 

          Commit Sexual Assault."  Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, vol. 18, no. 4,

          October 2011, pp. 212-231.

 

Seabrook, Rita C., et al. “Less than Human? Media Use, Objectification of

          Women, and Men's Acceptance of Sexual Aggression."  Psychology of

          Violence, May 2018.  

 

Wolf, Naomi. “The Trouble with Porn .” Times, The (United Kingdom), Apr.

          2009, p. 7-8. 

Anxious for Love

I took the boys bowling a couple months ago.  When it was time to put our names into the system, this is what we came up with:
14-year old: Zilla25
6-year old: *His name*
Me: Phat
And then there's the 12-year old: Forever Alone
I'm not sure if he genuinely thinks he'll be alone forever or if he was poking fun at me.  Knowing this kid, he was probably teasing me.  
Since moving out to Idaho, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and marriage.  BYU-Idaho's nickname is BYU-I Do, after all.  But as my anxiety has grown and I noticed that I couldn't even ask someone for directions without trembling, I realized that marriage may not be happening for me anytime soon.  Just the idea of speaking to a stranger makes me want to hide my head in the sand.  I was thinking the other day that I need to find an introvert like myself.  But then I realized that would be nearly impossible.  Where do introverts go to meet?  Serious question here!
Anxiety, though the largest, is only one factor that contributes to my unwed status.  I also suffer from pride and pickiness (Sounds like a Jane Austen novel!).  The ideal woman must be aware of her surroundings.  I look around campus and see girls with their faces being sucked into their phones.  That can't be healthy!  I have a flip phone for a reason.  I like to be aware of what is going on around me.  A smart phone would just be a distraction for me.  I'm not ashamed to admit it. 
I also want someone closer to my age.  It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest student on campus.  (I know I'm not, but it certainly feels that way!)  With almost ten years between me and the Freshmen, I worry that I'll end up as what my grandma calls a "Cradle Robber".  I want someone within at least four or five years of my age.
Lastly, I need a woman with common sense.  I find myself rolling my eyes a lot nowadays.  Maybe it's because I'm so much older than a lot of the other students.  Or maybe common sense is just dead.
Along with common sense comes common courtesy.  My brother and I had a game night last week with some of his friends.  Two of his friends are currently madly in love with each other.  They sat in the middle of the table playing their own game while everyone else played around them.  I can respect that they are smitten with each other.  It's kind of cute, actually.  But be aware of what is going on around you.  I want someone who will be madly in love with me, but still be aware of the people around them.
Maybe I'm asking too much.  But my mom once told me that it's okay to be picky.  If I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with someone, I want to be sure that I found the right someone.
Future Mrs. Kretchman, if you're out there, I'm currently in Idaho.  Come look me up.  Please.

Adulting pt. 3: College Days

As mentioned in my last post, I am now living in Rexburg, Idaho attending BYU-Idaho.  I am currently just taking two classes:  History and Systems of Psychology and Behavioral Learning Psychology.  After two days of class, I am sure that I will do well.  My professors are amazing and the subjects of the classes really hold my interest.  I'm not worried about failing.  Life as a college student is what I'm worried about.
I have five roommates in my apartment, aged 18 to 23.  I'm 27.  I told them they can call me grandpa if they'd like.  I'm pretty much a grumpy old man anyway.  Lights are being left on, people are talking and singing late into the night, trash is being left on the counters.  Not only are my old man instincts kicking in, but so are my Mannying instincts.  Should I clean up after them?  Should I tell them to clean up their own messes?  Or should I not worry about it?  The other guys obviously don't worry about it, so I guess I shouldn't either?  So I'm torn.  Am I grandpa, the Manny, or just one of the guys?  My head is spinning.
I've chosen to ignore how my roommates live unless it affects me in some way.  What I can't ignore, though, is the size of campus and the lack of signs.  At the community college I attended in Pennsylvania, you could stand in one spot and see all the buildings, and yet they still had signs all over campus pointing you where to go.  BYU-I is ginormous and doesn't have a single sign telling me where I am.  The buildings are huge and only have one sign, right in front.  They're also all the same color.  So to figure out where I am, I need to walk around the buildings just to see their names.  I haven't been late to class...yet.
Making friends has always been a struggle for me.  At the community college, you sat down next to someone and ignored them for most of the semester.  At BYU-I, you sit down next to someone and become their best friend.  Very unsettling for me.  "Oh, you're 27?  Good for you, man!"  Um, thanks?  It's strange knowing that half the students on campus were in 3rd grade when I graduated high school.
I started a Mannying job yesterday for a family I've known since I was kid.  The mom used to babysit me, and now I'm babysitting her kids.  At the end of my shift yesterday, one of the kids asked their mom if I could sleep at the house.  The mom's reply was "I don't know if I can afford Philip living with us."  No worries.  I don't know if I can afford Philip living with me either. That being said, I'm excited to be working with kids again!
College life is going to difficult for me for awhile, but I'm sure I'll adjust.  I've joked around with a friend about starting a 25+ club (he's 25-years old).  So far, we've met another 25-year old and a 26-year old.  I'm still the oldest, but I'm not worried.  I just need to find my place on campus and not worry about my age.