My Story Isn't Over Yet;

I have been so overwhelmed with working one job, training for another, finishing up my online math class, and a million other things that I decided to take a break from my blog.  So, I had my brilliant and wonderful mother write the blog post this week.  I absolutely refuse to skip a Thursday!

 

When Philip asked me to do his last blog post of the month, I thought, no problem. This is Mental Health Awareness month. I have soooo much I could share, but therein lay the problem. I have TOO much for a single blog post. So after debating all week over what I should write, allow me to share with you a single day in the life of someone with bipolar disorder.

Morning can be a struggle, even on sunny days. I fight with pain issues on a regular basis, but add just a little bit of depression to that, and some days I can hardly move. My limbs feel like lead weights, my eyes don't want to open and see the reality of a new day. I don't work, so often I feel totally useless as well. Why bother getting out of bed? Not a problem if I'm hypo(manic). I jump out of bed and rush around not getting hardly anything accomplished in my hyper disorganization. But there are some things that MUST be done. Having to force yourself to do the basics can be very discouraging.

Get up, get dressed, eat and TAKE YOUR MEDS. No matter how horrible you feel, no matter how scattered your thoughts, nothing will make it worse than not taking your meds. If nothing else gets done all day, you must take your meds. A regular (healthy) eating and sleeping schedule can help moderate your symptoms. But we all know that eating healthy is tough when the meds that are supposed to be helping you slow your metabolism and make you crave everything you shouldn't eat. I gained 90 pounds in a year on two meds that I have since insisted be changed. It's difficult to motivate yourself to take medications that put you at risk for heart disease and diabetes. Talk to you doctor. There are other meds to try. We finally got it right the third time around.

I have set up for myself a routine of what needs to be done during the course of the day. For me it's: dishes, laundry, plan/cook dinner, volunteer work I do on the computer (this is what gives me a sense of purpose.) In the spring and summer I also tend the garden. If I'm feeling good I will try to do some other additional housework, or maybe even go out in public. I must be very cautious with my moods and shopping. It is always best to have another person with me when I go to JoAnn Fabrics, or I might spend way too much money. Over time I have become much better about controlling my spending, but it can still be a fight.

A note about leaving the house. When depressed, I can barely get dressed, so going out is not likely. When I'm hypomanic, I want to go out and be with people and do things, but I have a constant fear of annoying them with my incessant jabbering or being inappropriate in some way. Saying the wrong thing, being arrogant, angry or judgmental. Being aware of these things helps me keep these rotten behaviors in check, but sometimes they still get the best of me. So I get embarrassed, and don't want to be around people. My meds make me air-headed and shaky, so that can be a bit awkward in publc.

There is one big thing that helps me get through the day. My dog. If you don't have a comfort animal, you don't know the benefit you can reap from their presence. My comfort animal is a two year old Australian Shepherd/Golden Retriever mix named River Song. She is very sweet and soft and cuddly, and she can make the stress ease away. Dogs love you no matter what. She calms me through tears, shaking, and uncontrollable racing thoughts. When mixed states threaten to rip me in half, River can cuddle up and ease the pain. A black cat serves as a comfort animal for one of my children.

By the time evening runs around I am often emotionally exhausted, though usually it's more physical. I try to get dinner on the table by six for my husband, succeeding some days, failing on others. If I have been having severe racing thoughts during the course of the day, nothing gets done. There are too many voices talking in my head, leaving me constantly confused. If I'm hypo I may start several projects but not finish them, adding to the mess that is my house. This is another area where I can see improvement, but it can still be a problem.

It is with great relief that my bedtime rolls around. I have a small snack and take my night-time meds. If the racing thoughts will let me, I fall asleep fairly quickly. But whether I sleep well or not, the next day I will have to face the chaos I left the day before.

A couple other thoughts. My bipolar treatment interferes with my pain treatments, so we have to balance the two problems and the medications I take. Not fun. Also, if you really want to know what bipolar can be like, read A Brilliant Madness by Patty Duke. It's terrifying, but so informative. It really helped me to see how bipolar was effecting me everyday, and thus allowed me to be on guard for when symptoms popped up. Recognizing symptoms, plus my meds, plus my wonderful supportive family (including the dog) have helped me function at almost a normal level. You can feel like yourself. As for me, my story isn't over yet;