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Me (After submitting online insurance application): Now I wait.
Grandpa Insurance: I got your application! Now I just need documents that prove you have a job, you paid your taxes, and you're an American citizen. You have one month!
Me (Busy with three jobs): I should probably print out those papers and get them sent in.
Grandpa Insurance: Too late! Request denied!
Me: ...But it's only been two weeks.
Grandpa Insurance: No, it's been 30 days. Today's October 10th.
Me: I submitted my application on September 26th.
Grandpa Insurance: ...Oops. Well, I already threw out your last application. Please apply again!
Me (About a month later): Alright, application sent.
Grandpa Insurance: I got your application! Now I just need documents that prove you have a job, you paid your taxes, and you're an American citizen. You have one month!
Me (Swamped with work again): Gotta print out those papers!
Grandpa Insurance: Too late! Request denied!
Me: Again! You only waited two weeks again!
Grandpa Insurance: Dagnabbit! I gotta get this watched fixed. At any rate, please fill out the application again!
Me (A few months later): Ok, application is sent, and I have my papers ready to print!
Grandpa Insurance: I got your application! Now I just need documents that prove you have a job, you paid your taxes, you're an American citizen, you pay for gas, and you have previous medical bills.
Me: What?! More paperwork?
Grandpa Insurance: Don't shoot the messenger!
Me: Ok, here's all the paperwork!
Grandpa Insurance: Great! Now we can get started! Oh boy...I need two more pay stubs!
Me: ...Ok...um...here you go.
Grandpa Insurance: You're eligible for food stamps! But not Medicaid. You need to go through Marketplace. Please fill out the application again.
Me: Seriously?
Grandpa Insurance: Again, just the messenger!
Me: Alright, here it is.
Grandpa Insurance: Perfect! Now I just need to know when you lost your past coverage.
Me: Um, April 22nd of this year.
Grandpa Insurance: What about it?
Me: What about what?
Grandpa Insurance: April 22nd of this year.
Me: You asked for the date I lost my previous coverage.
Grandpa Insurance: No I didn't. Now you need to fill out the application again.
Me: A fifth time?!
Grandpa Insurance: Messenger!
Me: Ok, ok, here it is.
Grandpa Insurance: Perfect! You are now ready to pick a plan! Please be aware that because you make barely any money, you are not eligible for a tax credit. You will need to pay full price for whichever plan you choose. The cheapest plan we have is $230 a month with an $8,600 deductible.
Me: An $8,600 deductible?! What's even the point of having the insurance?
Grandpa Insurance: After the deductible is met, we'll pay for everything!
Me: Is there a plan that has a smaller deductible?
Grandpa Insurance: How about $7,200?
Me: No.
Grandpa Insurance: Wait! I found one with a $0 deductible! But your whole month's income would go to paying for it.
Me: Ok, give me some time to figure this out.
Grandpa Insurance: You have until the end of June.
Me (To myself): What am I gonna-
Grandpa Insurance: Just kidding! Have free health insurance! Have food stamps! Have help paying for past bills!
Me: What?
Grandpa Insurance: Didn't ya hear me, boy? You're fully covered! No cost!
Me: So what was with all the red tape?! That was super stressful!
Grandpa Insurance: Like I said-
Me: Yeah, yeah, you're just the messenger.
This is a light-hearted, humerous look at the long struggle it took me to get fully covered. It plays out like a joke because, in reality, applying and getting coverage is a joke. It shouldn't be so complicated to have your health needs met. But that's just how the world is these days. I'm super grateful to have finally been found eligible for full coverage, though!
That is soooo accurate to what you went through! I was giving myself worrying about it!
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