'Man's Search For Meaning' Book Review

I kind of cheated this week.  This is actually paper I had to write for my History and Systems of Psychology class.

Man's Search for Meaning Book Review

Viktor E. Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning has been a must-read for decades. Frankl's portrayals of his experiences in Auschwitz are both haunting and enlightening. The book is split into two sections: Frankl's experiences in Auschwitz and other concentration camps; and a detailed description of logotherapy and its uses. While at the concentration camps, Frankl described the hardships he and his colleagues faced. He mentioned the pains and illnesses suffered in the camps and how he was able to rise above them all and stay optimistic. Years later, after returning to normal every day life, Frankl coined the term logotherapy, which he defined as “the meanings to be fulfilled by the patient in his future” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 98). In other words, logotherapy helps patients reevaluate their lives so they can make the changes needed to live a happier life. Frankl then gave different examples of how he has used logotherapy to help various patients.

While in the concentration camps, Frankl witnessed many of his fellow prisoners give up on life. They had lost their meaning for living. Because of his medical experience, Frankl was put to work as a camp medic. He saw a lot of illness and death. For many of the deaths, though, Frankl believes the cause to be a mental shut down of sorts. Living in a concentration takes a toll on a person and it is easy to give up. The men he saw die were usually the ones who had given up on life. This goes to show how important it is to have a meaning in life.

The second part of the book explains logotherapy, which Frankl used to help people renew their sense of purpose. He gave examples of different methods he used with his patients. One method Frankl used, which was the basis of logotherapy, was the paradoxical intention. Frankl discovered that by having someone willingly try to react to their fears, they would find that they physically could not react. Frankl gave the example of a boy who had a stutter. The boy got caught hitching a ride on a streetcar and attempted to exaggerate his stuttering for sympathy. He actually didn't stutter at all. By forcing himself to do something he did involuntarily, he was able overcome it (Frankl, V., 1959, pp.126). The goal of using logotherapy is to reestablish someone's meaning. When someone is feelin helpless and just wants to give up, usually by suicide, logotherapy can be used to help the subject overcome their struggle and reawaken their sense of meaning.

The part of the book that stood out to me the most was in part two when Frankl discussed the existential vaccuum. Frankl defines the existential vaccuum as a person's “inner emptiness, a void within themselves” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 106). This is my first semester at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I had been attending a community college in my home state of Pennsylvania before moving out west. I have experienced the existential vacuum first hand. Other than going to my classes, church, and work, I spent a lot of my time in bed. I felt empty inside, often wondering if I had made the right choice in moving out west. I know what I want to do with my life, but with over three years left of college, I wondered if it was worth it.

There was a particular day I was really struggling in my search for motivation and meaning. The next day, in part two of Man's Search for Meaning, I read the following: “...everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it” (Frankl, V., 1959, pp. 109). This simple sentence, and a few lines before, really struck me. Not only did my life have meaning, but I was the only one who could fulfill it.

After eventually getting my Masters degree, I plan on being a middle school guidance counselor. I love working with kids, especially in the pre- to young teen ages. I have been working with children through Church and my job for years. After reading the line mentioned above, I realized that maybe I am the only one who can help a certain child in the future. My eyes were opened from reading Frankl's words. And my meaning reasserted itself. College made sense to me again. Even though it is difficult right now, the end goal is what should be my priority.

Frankl's book, though difficult in parts, was a great read for me. It truly changed my perspective on what life is about. I have a new outlook on life that I pray I will never become blind to. 

 

Works Cited

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Mans search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.

A Great Depression

Moving out to Idaho was definitely the most difficult thing I have ever done.  Don't get me wrong, I was ready to be on my own.  I'm keeping up with my finances, grocery shopping, and medications.  I'm being very responsible.  The hard part was leaving the people I know and love.  The hard part was going from busy busy busy to laying in bed wondering what to do next.
Classes are going well.  I'm doing well in both.  I'm working two days a week, five hours each day.  I love my job as a Manny and look forward to Wednesdays and Saturdays.  My cat, Zoe, has finally adjusted to living in a new place, even though she never leaves the bedroom.  She's more relaxed and cuddly.  Things really are going well.
So why am I so depressed?
Back in Pennsylvania, before I left, I was rarely at home.  I had a lot of things going on in my life.  A lot of positive things.  A job that kept me busy, a Little Brother to visit with, a job at church working with other single adults.  I basically went home to eat and sleep.  But now, I rarely leave my apartment.  I go to class, to church, run errands, and hang out with people I'm slowly getting to know and open up to.  That doesn't take up a lot of my time, though.  When I'm not doing homework, I can usually be found in my room napping or playing games on my Kindle, only leaving to use the bathroom or get something to eat.  When I'm not at work or school, I honestly struggle with finding a purpose.
Depression isn't new to me.  I've been depressed before, but only for a day or two at a time.  This has been going on for a couple of months now.  Now before you start to worry, I would never hurt myself or anyone.  I like to think that I am generally a cheerful person.  So, in a way, you could say I have optimistic depression.  I'm struggling, but I know it's only temporary.  I just need a purpose.
I have been searching for and applying to Mannying jobs.  My current boss has referred me to multiple people.  Something is bound to come my way.
I have made a couple of new friends.  With my social anxiety, it's always been difficult for me to make friends, so I expected friendships to take awhile.  But I'm getting there.  As much as I hate meeting new people, I have met some pretty awesome folks out here.
My slump will end.  I have really good days, usually days that I work.  I remain positive in all that do.  It gets tough, but I like to think that I'm tougher.

Anxious for Love

I took the boys bowling a couple months ago.  When it was time to put our names into the system, this is what we came up with:
14-year old: Zilla25
6-year old: *His name*
Me: Phat
And then there's the 12-year old: Forever Alone
I'm not sure if he genuinely thinks he'll be alone forever or if he was poking fun at me.  Knowing this kid, he was probably teasing me.  
Since moving out to Idaho, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and marriage.  BYU-Idaho's nickname is BYU-I Do, after all.  But as my anxiety has grown and I noticed that I couldn't even ask someone for directions without trembling, I realized that marriage may not be happening for me anytime soon.  Just the idea of speaking to a stranger makes me want to hide my head in the sand.  I was thinking the other day that I need to find an introvert like myself.  But then I realized that would be nearly impossible.  Where do introverts go to meet?  Serious question here!
Anxiety, though the largest, is only one factor that contributes to my unwed status.  I also suffer from pride and pickiness (Sounds like a Jane Austen novel!).  The ideal woman must be aware of her surroundings.  I look around campus and see girls with their faces being sucked into their phones.  That can't be healthy!  I have a flip phone for a reason.  I like to be aware of what is going on around me.  A smart phone would just be a distraction for me.  I'm not ashamed to admit it. 
I also want someone closer to my age.  It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest student on campus.  (I know I'm not, but it certainly feels that way!)  With almost ten years between me and the Freshmen, I worry that I'll end up as what my grandma calls a "Cradle Robber".  I want someone within at least four or five years of my age.
Lastly, I need a woman with common sense.  I find myself rolling my eyes a lot nowadays.  Maybe it's because I'm so much older than a lot of the other students.  Or maybe common sense is just dead.
Along with common sense comes common courtesy.  My brother and I had a game night last week with some of his friends.  Two of his friends are currently madly in love with each other.  They sat in the middle of the table playing their own game while everyone else played around them.  I can respect that they are smitten with each other.  It's kind of cute, actually.  But be aware of what is going on around you.  I want someone who will be madly in love with me, but still be aware of the people around them.
Maybe I'm asking too much.  But my mom once told me that it's okay to be picky.  If I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with someone, I want to be sure that I found the right someone.
Future Mrs. Kretchman, if you're out there, I'm currently in Idaho.  Come look me up.  Please.

Adulting pt. 3: College Days

As mentioned in my last post, I am now living in Rexburg, Idaho attending BYU-Idaho.  I am currently just taking two classes:  History and Systems of Psychology and Behavioral Learning Psychology.  After two days of class, I am sure that I will do well.  My professors are amazing and the subjects of the classes really hold my interest.  I'm not worried about failing.  Life as a college student is what I'm worried about.
I have five roommates in my apartment, aged 18 to 23.  I'm 27.  I told them they can call me grandpa if they'd like.  I'm pretty much a grumpy old man anyway.  Lights are being left on, people are talking and singing late into the night, trash is being left on the counters.  Not only are my old man instincts kicking in, but so are my Mannying instincts.  Should I clean up after them?  Should I tell them to clean up their own messes?  Or should I not worry about it?  The other guys obviously don't worry about it, so I guess I shouldn't either?  So I'm torn.  Am I grandpa, the Manny, or just one of the guys?  My head is spinning.
I've chosen to ignore how my roommates live unless it affects me in some way.  What I can't ignore, though, is the size of campus and the lack of signs.  At the community college I attended in Pennsylvania, you could stand in one spot and see all the buildings, and yet they still had signs all over campus pointing you where to go.  BYU-I is ginormous and doesn't have a single sign telling me where I am.  The buildings are huge and only have one sign, right in front.  They're also all the same color.  So to figure out where I am, I need to walk around the buildings just to see their names.  I haven't been late to class...yet.
Making friends has always been a struggle for me.  At the community college, you sat down next to someone and ignored them for most of the semester.  At BYU-I, you sit down next to someone and become their best friend.  Very unsettling for me.  "Oh, you're 27?  Good for you, man!"  Um, thanks?  It's strange knowing that half the students on campus were in 3rd grade when I graduated high school.
I started a Mannying job yesterday for a family I've known since I was kid.  The mom used to babysit me, and now I'm babysitting her kids.  At the end of my shift yesterday, one of the kids asked their mom if I could sleep at the house.  The mom's reply was "I don't know if I can afford Philip living with us."  No worries.  I don't know if I can afford Philip living with me either. That being said, I'm excited to be working with kids again!
College life is going to difficult for me for awhile, but I'm sure I'll adjust.  I've joked around with a friend about starting a 25+ club (he's 25-years old).  So far, we've met another 25-year old and a 26-year old.  I'm still the oldest, but I'm not worried.  I just need to find my place on campus and not worry about my age.

The Life of Philip, Chapter 2

On Tuesday, September 4, 2018, my mom and I set out on a cross country trek to Rexburg, Idaho.  Rexburg is the home of Brigham Young University Idaho campus, where I will be finishing up my Bachelor's degree in Psychology.  For the first time in twenty-seven years, I will be living somewhere other than my parents house.  This is a new beginning for me.
I have waited for this day for a long time.  I have felt that I have been ready to live independently for awhile.  All I needed was the proper motivation.  While attending the community college in Pennsylvania, I switched majors numerous times.  While working with the boys, I finally decided on majoring in Psychology with hopes to become a middle school guidance counselor.  I have never felt a hundred percent sure about a major until now.  Working as a Manny for the past two years helped me in this decision.
The most difficult part of moving was leaving my Manny job.  I have grown to love the boys as if they were my own.  Imagine having to leave your children so you can move on with your life.  It hurts a lot.  Saying goodbye was rough. 
I have been trying to focus on my future, though.  Just two and a half more years before I get my Bachelor's degree, then on to my Master's.  I've got a lot of schooling ahead of me, but it will all be worth it in the end.  I'm looking forward to continuing my education.
Being on the opposite side of the country from my parents will be different, but I'll have my younger brother and some friends near by.  And I'm excited to meet new people and make friends.
Although I'm not entirely emotionally ready to leave, I know that I am mentally ready.  I have been trying to become more independent in the past couple years and feel that I am ready to live on my own.  As I meet new people and work new jobs, I will become more comfortable being away from those I love most.  The future is bright.  I'm ready to bask in what is to come.

Ups and Downs

Life is full of ups and downs, just like a roller coaster.  Children have ups and downs.  Adults have ups and downs.  Children go up and down an anthill, it seems.  Adults go up and down the Rocky Mountains.
It's the first day of March, and I feel like I have finally reached level ground.  True, I'm not moving up, but I'm not moving down either. 
In January, I found out that I got accepted into Brigham Young University's Idaho campus.  Last week, I was told that I would begin in September.  In six short months, I'll be living in Idaho with my younger brother and sister, meeting new people and learning new things.  That's an up for me!
From the end of January to the middle of February, I was hooked up to a heart monitor.  Last week, I had my follow up with my cardiologist.  There were some irregularities in the recordings of my heart.  So now I'm on heart medication.  I go back next week for an echo-cardiogram, then back again in three weeks to see how well the medicine is working.  This is a down for me.
But I'm on level ground.
I try not to stress out over things, which is hard for someone with severe anxiety.  But things have always worked out well for me.  I have never been so far down that I've been close to hitting rock bottom.  I can always see the upside in my future, and that's what I cling onto.

Never Give Up

As Sia once said in her song "Never Give Up", "never give up".  When times get hard, just keep going.  When you fail, try again.  Never give up.
As a teenager, I was a quitter.  I had very low self-efficacy.  I didn't try hard in school because I knew I would fail.  I thought I knew.  As an adult and college student, I have learned that enduring what seems impossible is the best way to move on in life.  I have been getting good grades in college.  I do all the assignments I need to do.  I don't give up before I even begin.
When I graduated high school, all I wanted was to get a job working with kids to help me pay for college.  I sent application after application.  After seven years of working in the food industry, I never quit applying to jobs.  I got a couple, but they fell through the cracks eventually.  So when I finally landed my current job with the boys, I was thrilled!  Seven years is a long time.  It would have been easy to just accept the fact that I would be stuck serving pizzas to hangry customers.  But through patience and determination, I was emancipated from the grease pit I worked in.  And I've never been happier.
Two years ago, I applied to attend Brigham Young University's Idaho campus.  I was told they have a 99% acceptance rate.  I was sure to get in.
I didn't.
That burst my bubble.  And having my bubble burst hurt!  So I continued at the community college, raising my GPA.  This year, I reapplied to BYU-I.  I got in!  Because I didn't give up.  I worked harder to achieve what I wanted.  And I got it.
The next line in Sia's song is "I'll find my way".  I feel that I have found my way.  I now know what I am capable of.  And, to quote another Sia song, "I am titanium".

Adulting: The Worst Decision I Never Made

After ten years of practicing photography, I feel confident in my ability to take good pictures.  After thirteen years of babysitting, I feel confident in my ability to work well with children.  After only one year of blogging, I feel confident in my ability to express my feelings through written word.  But after nine years of being an adult, I am becoming less and less confident in my ability to survive.
Many questions come to mind:

• Why can't I work my dream job without going to college?

• Why are other adults so weird?

And, most puzzling of all:

• Who was the genius who invented money?

Needless to say, I have been struggling at 'adulting' lately.  I want to get my own place, I want to finish school, I want to jump straight into my dream job.  What's holding me back?  Money!
In order to get an apartment, I would need to get a third job.  To continue my education, I would need to get a fourth job.  And a fifth job.  By then, I won't even have time for school.  So maybe I should just quit my jobs (note to boss:  I'm not quitting any time soon!  Don't panic!) and take out a loan...or seven.  That way, I can finish school, get my dream job, and spend the rest of my life earning money to give back to the bank.  This is the American dream, people!
And don't get me started on the privileges of being an adult.  As a child, I longed for the day when I could finally eat a bowl of ice cream without someone telling me I couldn't.  Now that I can, I find that I shouldn't.  I've got to stay healthy.  My quick metabolism is quickly slowing down.  All that ice cream just sits in my gut.  Most men have a beer belly.  I have a mint chocolate chip belly.
Now, back to school.  I hated high school with a passion.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  Now, I wish I were back, not in high school, per se, but back to going to school for free.  Back to the teachers handing out free copies of the textbooks.  Back to $2 cardboard pizzas instead of $15 salads.  Ok, scratch that.  Maybe I don't miss the food so much.  But you get my point.  I miss the days when things were handed to me on a cheap green, plastic tray rather than having to pay for my silver platter.
The worst thing about an adult, though, is that I had no choice.  Adulthood was thrust upon me.  High school graduation, which should be one of my proudest memories, is now one of my greatest regrets.  I didn't choose the adult life.  The adult life chose me.  And it chose poorly.

The Non Traditional Student

Ok, so I guess I'm still pretty young.  But it doesn't feel that way sometimes.  Especially in school.  I am the 26-year old sitting next to the fresh-out-of-high-school student, usually asking the youngster for help.  It's strange seeing people who graduated high school years after me graduating college before me.  It's honestly starting to annoy me.  But there is no one to blame but myself.
After graduating high school, I immediately registered with the local two year community college.  I then waited a year to begin classes.  I paid everything out of pocket.  No loans, scholarships, or grants.  It was pretty pricey.  So I waited a couple semesters until going back to school.  Now, six years later, I am a Sophomore,  still taking classes at the two year community college.  There are pros and cons to still being in school at my age, though.

Pros:

• Since I've been paying out of pocket, I'm not in debt.
• I've had plenty of time to work to help pay for classes.
• I've changed majors several times.  Fortunately, I haven't taken enough classes to get to far ahead for any majors.  I've pretty much got my generals out of the way.
• After I turned 23-years old, I could no longer claim to be a dependent with my parents.  The amount I was eligible for in grants went way up.  I took my first full-term semester for free!

Cons:

• I'm normally one of the oldest people in my class.
• All my friends have awesome jobs while I'm still trying to figure out the Quadratic formula.

Huh!  Not as many cons as I thought there would be.  And when I think of the cons, I remind myself that, even though it's taking a long time, I  am going to college.  I have friends who were amazing students in high school who showed a lot of promise, then dropped out of college because of drugs or alcohol.  So even though I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, I try to remember that I am moving forward. I might not get to where I want to be right away, but I am still making my way to the finish line.