More Adventures in Babysitting

I got to watch the younger two boys tonight while the oldest and his mom went to the high school for an open house.  (Hard to believe he's going to be in high school next school year!)  The younger boys were sitting, relaxing with their iPads playing Agar.io with each other.  The 7-year old was told by his mom that 7:00 was bath time.  When 7:00 arrived, the iPad was shelved and the 7-year old and I went upstairs to the bathroom.  Okay, actually I had to pry the iPad out of his seemingly adhesive fingers and carry him upstairs, him squirming and laughing the whole way up.

As I filled up the bathtub, the 7-year old went to find a toy to play with.  I guess the battalion of army men and tanks already in the tub weren't enough.  He quickly returned with a magnetic dart board and a paperclip.  He MacGyvered the paperclip into a hook so we could hang the dartboard from the shower curtain rod.  He then stripped down and hopped into the tub, only to sit down and realize he had to pee.

"Oh wait, never mind!"

I drained and refilled the tub and he was finally on his way to cleanliness.  We played a couple rounds of darts and then it was time to clean up.  I couldn't find any shampoo, so I went to the other bathroom to grab some.  When I came back, the bathtub was empty and there were wet footprints leading downstairs.  I found the missing person hiding behind the couch, au naturale.  We made our way back to the bathroom, the 7-year old again laughing the whole way.  He got back in the bathtub, sat down, looked up and me, and smiled a mischievous smile .

That's when the tidal wave hit.

I might as well have been in the tub, too, after how wet I got.  The tidal wave came with splashes and howling winds (or maybe just a howling 7-year old...) and soaked me to the bone.  I never had a chance to get away.

Bath time eventually came to an end.  The bathroom never knew what hit it.

These adventures in babysitting are what keep me going.  There is rarely a dull moment.  And the love and laughter is worth more than the paycheck.  The money is just nice bonus.

The Manny Diaries pt. 6: The Review

As my time with the boys comes to a close (just one more month! *sob*), I decided to have the boys rate me.  I made up a little worksheet for them.  At the top were five stars.  They colored in however many stars they thought I deserved.  After coloring in the stars, there were two questions to answer: 
What do you like most about Philip?
and
What do you not like about Philip?
Here are the results:

The 6-year old gave me five stars, but said I should actually get five billion billion million thousand stars.  What he likes most about me is that I play with him and I do stuff for him.  When I asked him what he doesn't like about me, he said "Nothing!  I just like you and that's it."
For the past almost two years, I spent the majority of my time with the 6-year old.  We became really close buddies.  He loves spending time with me and stresses out when I leave his side.  I have to tell him anytime I need to go to the bathroom, just so he doesn't worry about me.  He's got a huge heart.  I'm going to miss his innocence and unconditional love.

The 14-year old gave me a nine out of five star rating.  He likes that I am responsible, caring, and funny.  He doesn't like that I am leaving to go to college.  This answer caught me off guard.  I was so sure that this kid wouldn't care about my moving away.  He is a teenager, after all.
As I've mentioned in previous posts, the 14-year old really didn't like me when I first started with him and his brothers.  He was a loner, moody, always on his phone or video games.  He would lock his bedroom door so I always had to talk to him through the door.  He told me a couple times how much he hated me.  Twenty months later, he and are like two peas in a pod.  He talks my ear off, tells me jokes, fun facts, Would You Rathers, and creams me in Chess.  He still tells me he hates me, but only in fun.  He always says it with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

The 12-year old's review of me was exactly what I had expected:  pure nonsense.  He gave me a negative fifteen out of five star rating.  His answer to what he likes about me is as follows:
"He's honest.  (Too honest.)  He's OK at being smart.  He can count...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmm...He can do the alphabet."
That's exactly what he put, down to the the last 'U'.  Even the parenthetical "Too honest" was all him.
His answer to what he doesn't like about me:
"He wakes me up too much.  He has no tech days.  He has no tech weeks.  He has no tech weeks.  He has no tech weeks.  He STILL has no tech weeks.  He doesn't know what a space cucumber is.  (I don't either.)"
Again, word for word (I made some spelling corrections, though.).
When I told the 12-year old I would be posting this on my blog, his eyes got wide and he said "Make sure they know I'm kidding!"  When I asked him how many stars he would really give me, he told me he would give me five.
The 12-year old and I hit it off right away.  He is a social butterfly who makes friends with nearly everyone he meets.  He and I have a lot of heart to heart conversations in which I give him advice on patience and kindness.  And he listens!  This kid has grown so much since I first met him.  He is more patient, less angry, and more loving.

It's going to be super difficult for me to leave these boys.  I get depressed every time I think about it.  Even though I'll be on the other side of the country, my thoughts and heart will always be with the three young souls I left in Pennsylvania.  My boss/mom and I have already planned to Skype on the 6-year old's birthday.  The older boys each have my phone number to keep in contact.  And I'll be back to visit.  I've even told my mom (jokingly, of course.) that when I do come back to visit, I'll be seeing the boys before I see her and my dad.  I'll be counting down the days.

Role Swap!

 

Imagine:  A 27-year old man acting like a 12-year old boy.  And a 12-year old boy acting like a 27-year old man.  That is exactly what happened last Thursday.

I have been attempting to drill the Golden Rule into the 12-year old's brain.  I eventually thought that the best way to do this would be to swap roles.  I warned him a few days in advance so he wasn't surprised.  He knew what day we would be swapping roles, but not what time of day.  So last Thursday, around noon, I made the boys some lunch.  When the 12-year was finished eating, I handed him a list:

Ask me what I want for lunch

Make me lunch

Clean up dog pee in kitchen (Don't worry!  It's just water!)

Make sure I turn off my Kindle

Make sure I eat everything

Put my plate in the dishwasher, then we're done!

I didn't plan it this way, but the 12-year old insisted I call him Philip.  He called me by his name, which will be 'J' for this post.  

First thing on the list.  Ask me what I want for lunch.  I just sat on the couch, playing Subway Surf on my Kindle, unresponsive.  He asked me a couple more times before I finally told him I wasn't hungry.

"You have to eat something!" he said.

"Ugh, fine!  Just make me a PB and J."  I made sure to roll my eyes and everything.

He made me a sandwich, and brought it out to me.  

"Turn off the Kindle."  No response from me.

He asked again.  Still no response from me.  The third time he asked, I just said "Wait!"  (He knows how much I hate that word.)  But he waited until my game character died.  I put the Kindle on the side table and took the sandwich from his hands.

"I'm not hungry." I said.

"You need to eat." he said.  I took a bite out of the sandwich.  (He needs some practice making PB and Js.  Way too much PB, not nearly enough J.)

I eat half the sandwich.  "I'm done."

"Finish the sandwich, please."

I eventually finished the sandwich.  He takes my plate and puts it in the dishwasher.  We finished the roll swap.

Throughout this exchange, J also cleans up the 'dog pee' in the kitchen, stops his brothers from fighting, and stops me from yelling at his brothers and calling them names.

This is an average lunchtime for me.  Trying to get J off his device, figure out what he wants to eat, making sure he eats everything, all while cleaning up messes and keeping peace between the boys.  J got to experience just that.

I asked J how he felt about what we just did.  He admitted that it was a little difficult.  He said he knew he'd have trouble getting me off the Kindle and that I'd be unresponsive, two things he regularly struggles with himself.  He said that the most difficult part was staying patient.  J knows that I am a very patient person, and he was trying to play the part perfectly.  He did an awesome job!  Instead of yelling at his brothers, he gently grabbed and shook their heads to get their attention, calmly telling them to settle down.  He even shook my head at one point.  That's something I do all the time to get the boys' attention.  J stayed calm throughout the entire scenario.  He made me super proud.

The next thing for me to do is to make sure J understands that he can stay calm.  He doesn't have to be pretending to be me.  I witnessed him calmly settle his brothers down, even his older brother.  I'm hoping that this activity was beneficial for J.  He had amazing feedback, so I know he learned something.  He also told me not to post about this on Facebook.  He didn't say anything about my blog!  Or sharing it to Facebook!  Sorry kiddo!

Operation: Childspeak pt. 3

For the past ten summers, I have volunteered as a Den Leader at the local Cub Scout Day camp.  For one week every Summer, I am assigned to work with 5-10 boys between the ages of six and ten.  There have been a couple years where at least one of the boys in my den was a little difficult.  But I'll never forget one year when I was assigned a ten year old who had a lot of energy, a lot to say, and a nose for trouble.  We will call him Timmy.
I had seen Timmy previous Summers, but I had never had him in my den before.  So when I saw his name on my list, I thought Oh great!  Everyone knew Timmy.  That child was all over the place!  Other leaders warned me to keep an eye on him.
When the time came to finally meet Timmy, we hit it off right away.  His energy was contagious.  He loved to talk and I loved to listen, so it worked out.  But I noticed that, when around me, Timmy didn't seem to get into a lot of trouble.  But around other adults, Timmy would act up and cause chaos.  I wondered why this was.  Until I heard another leader say "That's the Timmy I know!  Some things never change."   This was said for Timmy to hear.
So I paid closer attention to Timmy and the other leaders.  The other leaders, while still being friendly, treated Timmy like a misbehaving child.  I (hopefully successfully) treated Timmy like I treated the rest of the boys in our den.  I treated him like a child who is still figuring out life.  I treated him like he was a good child.
I'm sure we can all think of a child we know who always seems to cause problems.  Now think about how you act around said child.  Do you react?  Or do you ignore them?  If you do react, how do you do so?  "Some things never change"?  What if I told you that things could change?
At day camp, I make sure to show the boys I am working with a lot of respect.  In most cases, if you show someone respect, they will respect you in return.  This was the case with Timmy.  I knew he was a wild child.  But I didn't treat him any differently than I treated the other boys.
At one station, the leader warned Timmy not to "try anything".  This is an assumption.  When you assume what a child is going to do, they see that as a challenge.  The leader told me not to try anything.  Let's see what I can get away with while she has her back turned.  And just like that, chaos and disobedience ensue.  Had the leader told the entire group to not try anything, there would probably not have been any problems.  By singling out a child, you are telling them that they have all the attention.  Most children crave attention, so they will act out to continue receiving attention.  This was true in Timmy's case.
Children know when they are misbehaving.  They know they are being "bad".  By assuming a child's actions, especially when they are negative actions, you are telling the child that you think they are bad.  A simple phrase such as "Don't even think about it" can do harm to a child.  The best way to fix this is to assume that your child will do the right thing.  "I know I can trust you to get this done while I'm gone".  "You did so well last time, I know you'll do well this time too".  Lift up your children.  Praise them.  (But don't let them get a big head.)  Let your child know that you think they are good kids.  Timmy truly was a good kid.  I think I was able to see that because I treated him like a good kid.
When dealing with children, it is important to have patience and to show love.  A good way to show love is by assuming the best.  Take your wild child, love them, and help them grow into a better version of themselves.  Parents have a lot of power.  Let's not see it misused.

Oh, For the Love of Philp pt. 2

(More gifts I have received from the boys.  Maracas from their trip to Mexico, a wall-mounting lizard from their trip to the Grand Canyon, and an orange rock the 12-year old purchased at a gift shop in Arizona.  "I got you an orange one because it's your favorite color.")

I recently broke the news to the boy:  at the end of Summer, I'll be moving to Idaho for school.  They took it a lot better than I thought they would.  "Okay.  Can So-and-So be our sitter again?"  Wow.  Thanks kid.  Not the reaction I was hoping for.
Two weeks later, though, things have begun to change.  I think the news of my leaving just took a little while to sink in.  The boys seem to bring up my big move everyday.  The 12-year old and I had a good conversation this week:

12-year old: Will you be gone forever?
Me: Of course not! I'll come back and visit.
12-year old: Why are you leaving again?
Me: I'm going to college. 
12-year old: College sucks.

I honestly think that's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me!
And then there's the 13-year old.  As I mentioned in part 1, this kid and I have an awesome relationship.  He hated me at first, and then, out of the blue, we became best buds.  Our relationship is built on a lot of sarcasm and insults.  So when the 13-year old smiled and said "It's about time you're leaving!", I knew he was going to miss me.  Recently, he has asked me about what I am majoring in and why I decided to move to Idaho.  These questions were asked out of genuine care, not just genuine curiosity.
And finally, we come to the 6-year old, with whom I have spent the most time.  "You're leaving?!  You're not going to see us ever again?"  These are the questions I was expecting.  "You're going to miss my birthday?!" was the question I actually got.  This kid is weird about birthdays.  They are so sacred to him that only important people are allowed to attend.  So, he pretty much just told me I'm important to him.
To help him out with the transition, I made a countdown calendar to my last full day in Pennsylvania (only 84 more days!).  I also showed him a map of the United States so he could see how far apart Pennsylvania and Idaho are.  He told me he wants me to mail him a lizard for his birthday.  Priorities!  We finally agreed that we would Skype instead.
I love my parents.  I hate to say it, but I'm not worried about saying good-bye to them.  I've been ready for quite some time.  But the boys?  I was telling my dad the other day that it's normal to miss your child when they leave home.  But I've got it in reverse.  I am leaving my children (yes, I realize they're not actually my children.).  This is even more difficult.  The adult leaving with a feeling of guilt.  I have learned to love these boys more than I have ever loved anything (even my cat, and I love my cat a lot!).  Saying good-bye is going to be one of the most difficult things I'll ever do.  As much as I have disliked living in Pennsylvania for the past 12 years, a huge part of my heart will be staying there.  I'll have to come back and visit so it can continue to beat on.

Operation: Childspeak pt. 2 (Revised)

President Theodore Roosevelt famously said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."  I never really understood this quote until recently.  Speaking softly and carrying a big stick are two important parts of childspeak.  I don't think that's what President Roosevelt had in mind when he said these words, but I think they fit perfectly.
When disciplining a child, most parents tend to raise their voices, exhibit anger and frustration.  They forget that discipline should be done with love, not malice.  So the first part of this childspeak post is to speak softly.
I have worked with many different families, each with their own unique way of parenting.  The one thing that always stuck out to me was the way the parents would discipline their children.  I noticed that the parents who yelled at their kids often got talked back to or yelled at.  No one likes to be yelled at.  By yelling at a child, the child's first response will either be defensive - shutting down and cowering in fear - or, more commonly, offensive - yelling back.  Think of it this way.  If someone punches you, you're likely to punch back, right?  If someone is yelling at you, you're most likely going to yell back.
I noticed that parents who spoke softly while disciplining were more successful.  Their children were more likely to listen and do what they were told.  Speaking softly shows respect.  It shows your child that, even though they did something wrong, you are still willing to respect them as a human being.
While working with the boys, I feel I have successfully used the idea of speaking softly.  If one of the boys does something wrong, I calmly explain to them what they did wrong and how they can fix it.
Which brings me to carrying a big stick.  At first, I interpreted the big stick as physical discipline, which I don't believe in doing.  But in my experience working with the boys, I have learned that the big stick has two parts.  The first part is an explanation.  The second part is gently showing the child who has the upper hand.  For example, if your child is running with scissors, it would be easy just to take the scissors and give your child a little swat.  But what does your child learn?  They learn not to run with scissors.  Which is a start.  Instead of swatting your child, why not try explaining why they shouldn't run with scissors?  Make this a teaching moment.  Afterwards, think of a simple form of discipline, such as a short time out.  This teaches your child that what they did was wrong and lets them know that if they run with scissors again, they can probably expect another time out.  For kids, listening to an adult explain something can be just as painful as a good swat.  But this way, they are learning why their behavior was inappropriate as well as learning (or re-learning) who is in charge.
I took the younger boys for a bike ride the other day and told them that any time they heard me say "Stop", they had to stop.  On our bike ride, we eventually came to a crosswalk.  I said "Stop", nice and loudly.  The 6-year old went straight on through the crosswalk.  I told him to stop again, and he did.  I explained to him that he had to stop at all the crosswalks to check for cars.  He apologized for not stopping when I told him to.  We had no problems after that.  In this case, I only used the first part of carrying a big stick.
Another boy I take care of was giving me difficulty with his chore.  He was either taking his time, or not doing it at all.  His siblings had all finished their chores and were waiting for him so they could start a movie.  I gave him a time limit.  If the chore wasn't done by then, he had to go to bed while his siblings watched a movie.  He didn't get his chore done on time.  And after he finally did get it done, he got a little too physical with one of his brothers.  I sent him to bed early.  But not until after we had a nice, calm discussion about everything that went wrong.  We talked about listening and working hard.  He seemed to understand everything I explained to him and agreed to do better next time. (Part one)  After our civil chat, he asked if he still had to go to bed.  I told him that he did.  He was upset, but we didn't have any problems after that.  He went straight to bed. (Part two)  Big stick.
Childspeak is based around love and understanding.  You want your children to feel loved, especially when they are being disciplined.  Parents make rules to keep their children safe.  But younger kids don't understand that.  Speak softly and carry a big stick to help your child understand.  You as a parent will go far.  Your child will go even farther.

Oh, For the Love of Philip!

(Gifts I have received from the boys:  a note from the 6-year old, and a loom bracelet and sour spray from the 11-year old.  "You'll need this to attract the ladies."  Hasn't worked yet.)

Recently, without intending to, the older boys have expressed how much they enjoy being with me.  It's easy with the 6-year old.  He has told me that he likes me a lot.  He has given me a hug.  Just one.  But a hug's a hug, right?  He even drew me a picture a few weeks ago.  The older boys, though, express themselves through their actions.  I mean, seriously.  You really think an 11-year old and a 13-year old are going to tell their manny that they love him?  You must be crazy.
The 13-year old loves talking with me.  Usually about global warming.  He's convinced that's how it's all going to end.  We joke around, poke fun at each other.  You have to understand that for about eight months, this young man wanted nothing to do with me.  He would avoid me like the plague, only talking to me when necessary.  So this is huge for me that he is enjoying my company.  He invited me to watch him play games on his computer once.  It wasn't much fun for me, but it showed him that I care and want to support him.
The 11-year old has a very strange way of showing his affection.  He has always been comfortable talking with me and being around me.  So it took me a while to realize that he liked having me around, that I wasn't just another babysitter.  I found this out two weeks ago.
The 11-year old has a lot of energy, especially in the mornings.  One morning, he decided to jump onto my back.  So I took him around the living room on my back for a little, then I sat on the couch.  On top of him.  Now, most kids giggle and let go.  This kid giggled and held on tighter.  Every time I tried to stand up, he pulled me back down.  So, we sat like that, just watching TV.  He put his head on my shoulder so he could see the show better.  It was awkward, but heart warming at the same time.
For the umpteenth time, I love my job.  I love the boys and getting to work with them.  I love seeing them grow and develop.  And I love being a part of their lives.

Operation: Childspeak

It can be hard trying to talk to a child.  They often have difficulty expressing what they mean or feel.  You sometimes have difficulty simplifying things in a way that your child can understand.  Communication becomes too much to worry about.  It is easier to instead just use your parental authority and tell it like it is.  Sometimes this works.  Other times, it causes your child to shut down and stop listening, or even become argumentative.  This is the last thing you want.  Communicating in this way slowly pushes your children away.  The key to good communication is what I call "childspeak".
Childspeak begins with listening.  Truly listening.  Don't listen to reply, listen to understand.  Don't get frustrated when you can't understand what your child is trying express.  Do some detective work.  With your child's limited vocabulary, what are they trying to say?  Sometimes it's easy.  "My tummy feels funny."  Your child is probably sick or feeling indigestion.  Sometimes it's more difficult.  "I don't like so-and-so."  Ask clarifying questions.  Why do you not like this person?  What does this person do?  How does this person make you feel?  Speaking with a child takes time and patience.  But through your time and patience, your child is being told that you love them and genuinely care about them.  Listening is the most important part of childspeak.
The next part of childspeak is helping your child understand.  Your child won't listen to you if they can't understand what you are saying.  Or if they're simply not interested in what you have to say.  "I need you to clean up this mess."  You probably say that everyday.  And you probably repeat it multiple times throughout the day, usually regarding the same mess.  When the 6-year old I work with needs to clean up a mess, I don't tell him to clean it up.  "I bet I can get a bigger handful than you can!"  I pick up a handful of toys and put them away.  The 6-year old rushes over to the mess and quickly cleans up, trying to pick up more toys than I do.  Children understand fun.  Make cleaning up fun.
For older kids, try to put yourself in their shoes. Why isn't your child listening?  What usually gets their attention?  I try to start a conversation by asking the boys what they are doing.  If the 11-year old is playing a video game, I'll go sit next to him and ask him about the game.  When I feel he is done telling me about the game and I know I have his attention, that is when I begin talking about what I originally came to talk to him about.  How was school?  Did you get along with your teacher today?  By asking about video games first, I was able to get the 11-year old to relax and open up about something he cares about.  This made it easier for him to continue to open up and speak to me.
It's also very important to admit when you are wrong.  By apologizing, you are showing your child humility.  You are also being an example to them.  Your child is more likely to apologize if they hear you doing so.  The same thing applies to saying "thank you", "please", and "you're welcome".  You are showing your child respect and how to respect.
The last part of childspeak is combining the first two steps.  Listening to your child and then helping them understand what you have to say.  I had a great conversation with one of the boys once after he had a good screaming fit with his mother.  I asked simple questions to figure out why he was so angry, what he feels his mother did wrong.  I then helped him understand his mom's point of view.  I told him that screaming never solves anything.  That his mother is more likely to listen if he spoke nicer.  I then told him what I used to do with my parents when I was frustrated.  I would calmly tell my parents to not speak, just listen.  The key word there is calmly.  My parents would agree to listen without speaking.  This way, I knew I had their full attention.  Instead of the annoying interjections I would normally get from my parents, I was able to fully express myself.  Once I was finished, I would tell my parents that they could talk now.  They would then calmly (key word again!) tell me how they felt about what I had said.  What I had right and what I had wrong.  Nice, civil conversations.
Childspeak is based around love.  And the best way to show love is to listen and understand.  Disagreements will still occur, but by handling a situation calmly, you can learn a lot about your children.  And your children will come to love and respect you even more. 

A Lesson in Literature

I love getting lost in a good book.  Entering new worlds.  Going on epic adventures.  Feeling like I am someone else (got to love books written in the first person!).  Out of the dozens of books I have read in my 26 years on Earth, few have stayed with me.  I easily forget plot and characters.  But there are two books that will stay with me forever.  I could read them over and over again.  These books are Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli and The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer.  Both books are aimed for a younger audience, middle school to early high school.
Milkweed follows a young boy in WWII Poland.  He finds himself in the Warsaw Ghetto, not knowing what is going on.  His innocent view of the world around him leaves the reader with an optimistic viewpoint of life.
The House of the Scorpion, which I am currently re-reading, is about a boy, Matteo, who finds out he is the clone of a wealthy drug lord.  An intense series of events eventually shows the reason behind Matteo's being 'born'.
The thing about these two books that really stand out to me is the childlike innocence of the main characters.  Horrible things are happening in the lives of these boys, but they somehow manage to find and hold on to the good things in life.
As an adult, I know I really struggle with seeing the good in the world.  Watching the news is terrifying!  Through reading books such as Milkweed and The House of the Scorpion, I am able to alter my perspective on things which, honestly, is much needed nowadays.