Stand Up to Bullying

 
This past weekend, I took my Little to see the movie Wonder.  It's based off of a novel about a boy, Auggie, who was born with a disfigured face.  After being home schooled for five years, Auggie's parents decide it's time to send him to public school.  And so the movie follows Auggie in his first year of middle school.  Throughout the the movie, Auggie gets teased and called names.  Eventually, though, the other kids learn to like Auggie and become his friend.
This movie really got me thinking about how we can better teach our children to be kind to others and stand up to bullying.  Here are some of my ideas:
1.)  Teach Tolerance
2.)  Be an Example
3.)  Love Everyone
and
4.)  Stand Up

1.)  Teach Tolerance
Bullies tend to pick on those that are different.  In Wonder, Auggie was bullied because of his disfigured face.  In grade school, I was teased because I was so quiet.  And hairy.  I was different.
Children need to understand that everyone is different in their own way.  I was fortunate to grow up in a military community.  I was surrounded by people of all colors and cultures who had lived in many different countries.  I learned tolerance simply by living in a diverse community.  Not everyone is that fortunate.
So how does one teach tolerance?  Start in the home.  Read books or watch movies that deal with people of different cultures.  In the community, you can visit museums that exhibit different cultures.  Visit churches other than your own.  Get to know your neighbors.  Visit nursing homes.  Teach your kids about disabilities.  There is so much you can do just in your neighborhood.

2.)  Be an Example
Believe it or not, your kids watch everything you do.  They learn their behaviors from you.  What are showing them?  How do you treat them?  How do you treat your spouse or ex-spouse?  When you are around your kids, do you think to yourself, "Should I act this way?".
Some key areas to focus on are when you are frustrated or angry.  How do you react to anger?  Some people yell, punch things, curse, you name it.  The six-year old and I had a brief, simple conversation last week after he got angry.  His older brother beat him in Wii Lacrosse, so he flipped him off.  We had a nice chat about how it is okay to be angry, but it's never okay to be mean.  I repeated that a couple times this week.  This applies to parents as well.  It's okay to be angry.  But think about how you display your anger.
Another area to focus on is cursing.  It might not seem like a big deal, but it is.  Using bad language can be damaging.  I have had to work with all three boys on using kind words and substitutions such as heck, shoot, crap, and fridge.  (Yes, you read that right.  The boys say fridge.  "What the fridge?")  By filtering what your child says, your child is learning to think before they speak.  This can eventually lead to thinking before calling someone a bad name.  Thinking before offending someone.  So the more you watch your language, the kinder your kids will be.

3.)  Love Everyone
This one can be difficult.  You expect me to love the kid who called me a werewolf in third grade?  Or the kid who used my younger brother as a punching bag?
Yes.
Love comes easily to some.  They are kind to everyone, get along great with anyone.  But it seems that those types of people are becoming more and more hard to find.  Instead, you find people who throw each other under the bus, hate for no reason, are cruel for their own pleasure.  Don't be like that.
Oftentimes, love begins at forgiveness.  That child that called me a werewolf?  I forgave him.  I eventually learned to laugh along with him, even howl.  That kid who beat up my brother?  I taught him and my brother to be friends.  You have to look past people's actions and words to see who they really are.  This is difficult to teach.  So we go back to teaching by example.  Let your children see you be forgiving, be the bigger person.  They will follow in your footsteps.
The most important thing to do is love your children.  When they feel your love, the warmth that your love brings, they won't be able to help themselves.  They will want to share that warmth with others.

4.)  Stand Up
As important as it is to teach your kids not to be bullies, it is equally important to teach them to stand up to bullies.  Now I don't mean picking fights and defending themselves.  I'm talking about being a tattle tale.
No child wants to be a tattle tale.  That's how you lose friends.  But if someone is picking on you or anyone else, the right thing to do is tell an adult.  Standing up to a bully goes along with loving everyone.  Does your child take pleasure in seeing other kids being picked on?  Or do they want the bullying to stop?  By reporting a bully, your child is showing love to the victim.  Don't let your child be afraid to speak to an adult.  Make sure they know that, even though it might not be the most popular thing to do, being a tattle tale can be the right thing to do.

Wonder had a happy ending.  A lot of bullying stories don't.  Teach your kids to do the right thing.  Teach them to stand up to bullying.

Never Give Up

As Sia once said in her song "Never Give Up", "never give up".  When times get hard, just keep going.  When you fail, try again.  Never give up.
As a teenager, I was a quitter.  I had very low self-efficacy.  I didn't try hard in school because I knew I would fail.  I thought I knew.  As an adult and college student, I have learned that enduring what seems impossible is the best way to move on in life.  I have been getting good grades in college.  I do all the assignments I need to do.  I don't give up before I even begin.
When I graduated high school, all I wanted was to get a job working with kids to help me pay for college.  I sent application after application.  After seven years of working in the food industry, I never quit applying to jobs.  I got a couple, but they fell through the cracks eventually.  So when I finally landed my current job with the boys, I was thrilled!  Seven years is a long time.  It would have been easy to just accept the fact that I would be stuck serving pizzas to hangry customers.  But through patience and determination, I was emancipated from the grease pit I worked in.  And I've never been happier.
Two years ago, I applied to attend Brigham Young University's Idaho campus.  I was told they have a 99% acceptance rate.  I was sure to get in.
I didn't.
That burst my bubble.  And having my bubble burst hurt!  So I continued at the community college, raising my GPA.  This year, I reapplied to BYU-I.  I got in!  Because I didn't give up.  I worked harder to achieve what I wanted.  And I got it.
The next line in Sia's song is "I'll find my way".  I feel that I have found my way.  I now know what I am capable of.  And, to quote another Sia song, "I am titanium".

Use Your Maximum Potential

I heard a true story at church this past Sunday about a motivational speaker named Dan Clark.  Clark once spoke to a group of football players.  He brought one of those players up to the stage and asked him how high he could jump.  The player said he could jump up about three feet.  Clark asked the coach to hold a broom twelve inches off the ground and asked the player to jump over the broom.  The player did so, jumping just high enough to get over the broom.  Clark then asked the player why, if he could jump up three feet, he only jumped a little over a foot.  The player responded that he only needed to jump the twelve inches.
The lesson that I took from this story is that you should use your maximum potential.  Don't hold back.  If someone needs your help, give them all the help you can give them.  Don't wait for others to come assist you in what you know you can do yourself. 
I have been off of work this past week while the boys are on vacation.  And my car is in the shop.  So, what better thing to do than clean?  I cleared off a couch, the loveseat, most of the living room, scrubbed floors, vacuumed, and cleaned a bathroom.  I did what I could.  There are some areas in the house I am unable to clean because the things that need to be cleaned are my parents.  I don't want to misplace any of their things.  But why wait for my parents to start cleaning when I can do some parts myself? 
Lame example, I know, but it gets my point across.  I found something I could do and I didn't hold back.  I can now apply this principle to other parts of my life.   I can study harder, be nicer, eat healthier.  The sky is the limit, and I believe and I can touch the clouds.

Oh, For the Love of Philip!

(Gifts I have received from the boys:  a note from the 6-year old, and a loom bracelet and sour spray from the 11-year old.  "You'll need this to attract the ladies."  Hasn't worked yet.)

Recently, without intending to, the older boys have expressed how much they enjoy being with me.  It's easy with the 6-year old.  He has told me that he likes me a lot.  He has given me a hug.  Just one.  But a hug's a hug, right?  He even drew me a picture a few weeks ago.  The older boys, though, express themselves through their actions.  I mean, seriously.  You really think an 11-year old and a 13-year old are going to tell their manny that they love him?  You must be crazy.
The 13-year old loves talking with me.  Usually about global warming.  He's convinced that's how it's all going to end.  We joke around, poke fun at each other.  You have to understand that for about eight months, this young man wanted nothing to do with me.  He would avoid me like the plague, only talking to me when necessary.  So this is huge for me that he is enjoying my company.  He invited me to watch him play games on his computer once.  It wasn't much fun for me, but it showed him that I care and want to support him.
The 11-year old has a very strange way of showing his affection.  He has always been comfortable talking with me and being around me.  So it took me a while to realize that he liked having me around, that I wasn't just another babysitter.  I found this out two weeks ago.
The 11-year old has a lot of energy, especially in the mornings.  One morning, he decided to jump onto my back.  So I took him around the living room on my back for a little, then I sat on the couch.  On top of him.  Now, most kids giggle and let go.  This kid giggled and held on tighter.  Every time I tried to stand up, he pulled me back down.  So, we sat like that, just watching TV.  He put his head on my shoulder so he could see the show better.  It was awkward, but heart warming at the same time.
For the umpteenth time, I love my job.  I love the boys and getting to work with them.  I love seeing them grow and develop.  And I love being a part of their lives.

Goals for 2018

The year 2017 was pretty good to me.  But it could have been better.  I could have saved more money.  I could have eaten healthier.  I could have done more to further my education.  But overall, I am satisfied with how I spent this last year.  For 2018, I'm setting up goals for myself.  Simple goals that will help me out in the long run.
My first goal is to continue my education.  I am currently taking an online religion course.  I am also signed up for math class at the community college that starts in January.  I am currently working on applying to Brigham Young University Idaho.  I just need an interview and to write one more essay.  I have found that, now that I know for certain what I want to do with the rest of my life (middle school guidance counseling), my level of self-efficacy and determination has increased.  I am more willing to push myself academically.
My next goal is to live healthier.  I have a kind of bipolar appetite.  Sometimes all I think about is food.  Other times, I don't want to eat.  Sometimes all I eat is junk.  Other times, I crave vegetables and protein.  I need to learn to balance my food choices.
In 2017, I did an awesome job of saving money.  Until my car had to go to the shop.  Four times in 2017, twice in the past three months.  Fortunately, I had enough money for the repairs and a rental.  But now, I am stressing out.  If only I had saved more.  As well as I did saving money, I still went out and spent more than I should have.  I have become addicted to wearing shorts.  I bought three pairs of shorts this year, and even more t-shirts to go along the the shorts.  I spend a lot of money on books.  And, because I drive at least six days a week, I end up filling up my gas tank twice a week.  So in 2018, my goal is to only spend money on necessities.  I need to save more than I spend.
These are all realistic goals that don't take a lot of work.  I just need determination and focus.  I want to make 2018 the best year of my life so far.

Over Thinking Christmas: The Reason for the Season

It's that time of year again!  Time to celebrate Jesus' birth.  But why do we celebrate the birth of Jesus?  Certainly not just because of the miracle of his birth.  You know the story:  born of a virgin, celebrated by shepherds and wise men, called the King of Kings.  No, I believe that Christmas is celebrated in remembrance of the man that baby Jesus would become.
All around the world, people are celebrating the life of their Savior.  Jesus was the perfect example for us all.  He served others without a second thought.  He healed, even on the Sabbath, though that was illegal.  He understood that some things couldn't wait another day.  He sat and conversed with those who were considered sinners.  He loved unconditionally.  He was, and still is, the perfect example.
Now think of your own life.  Do you serve others without a second thought?  I don't.  Although I serve others, I often think of what I could be doing instead.
Are you willing to do the right thing no matter the consequences?  I am.  But that's probably easier said than done.
Do you love your neighbor, even if they have done you wrong?  Even when others speak poorly of them?
And do you love unconditionally?  Or do you need a good reason to love someone?
Keep all of this in mind this Christmas season as you celebrate the birth of your Savior.  Am I living the way Jesus wants me to live?  Or am I living life the way I want to live?  Just remember that no matter your choice, Jesus still loves you.  He still wants what is best for you.  Because he loves you, unconditionally.

Merry Christmas!

The Greatest Gifts

 

The two greatest gifts you can give your children are time and love.  But they won't enjoy that as much as a remote control car or Hatchimal.  So how do you buy presents that incorporate time and love?  Easy.
Philip's philosophy, or Philiposophy, is to steer clear of batteries.  I have noticed in my various encounters with children that toys that need batteries or chargers honestly don't get used very often.  This can be tricky, considering that all the items the younger two boys want for Christmas need batteries or chargers.  I think back to last Christmas, when I first started with the boys.  The youngest got a remote control car.  He loved that car!  It was rechargeable.  How awesome is that?!  But the young boy didn't know what to do with himself while the car was charging.
Once the car was charged, it would be driven around for about fifteen minutes until the battery died.  Back to the charger.  Back to waiting.  This continued for days until, finally, the remote control car was forgotten.
Toys that don't have rechargeable batteries are even worse!  Between searching for screwdrivers and the correct sized battery, the kids usually find something to play with.  Or maybe they don't even worry about changing the batteries because it's just too much work.
Steer clear of batteries.  How is this showing your child time and love?  It's not.  At least one person usually ends up frustrated trying to get a toy working again.
The best way to show your children time and love is to buy toys or items that promote imagination.  The six-year old loves building things.  And he tends to not use the instructions.  He just creates whatever he wants.  Earlier this week, he and I were playing with Legos.  There was a lot of dialogue between the different mini figures and a lot of creativity in the building.  And this fun lasted for almost two hours.  Time.
And I was there playing with him.  Love.
The six-year old also has a favorite stuffed animal named Wolfey.  Wolfey is a little shy, but he will answer yes or no questions by nodding or shaking his head.  This is imagination.  And stuffed animals (usually) don't need batteries or chargers.  You can talk to them all day long, if you want to.
I could go on for a while about the best toys to get your children.  But I won't.  Just remember that time and love is all a child really needs.  And you won't find that in the electronics section.

Life Happens

My life has been going along nice and smooth.  I love my jobs, I have money in the bank, I have a warm house to live in.  I was starting to think that nothing bad could ever happen again.
Then I was humbled.
On Black Friday, my dad and my brother-in-law cut down a tree.  It hit some electrical wires and blew out the kitchen lights, oven, microwave, and refrigerator.
My health has slowly been going downhill.  I am currently taking a leave of absence from one of my jobs, waiting for the doctor to mail me a heart monitor.
My mom's car got totaled after being hit by a love drunk buck.
In the past three months, my car has been in the shop for a total of two weeks.
And then this morning, after getting my car back from the shop, its battery died.
But I haven't been brought down.  I'm still loving my jobs.  I still have money in the bank, though not as much.  And the heater wasn't affected by the fallen tree.  I honestly have nothing to complain about.
Throughout all these insane experiences, I've been thinking a lot about life.  Forrest Gump says that life is like a box of chocolate.  I say that life is like walking around a suburban neighborhood.  You're taking a leisurely stroll passing all the cookie cutter houses.  Cars stop to let you cross the street.  But then, without warning, you end up in a cul-de-sac.  And what do you do in a cul-de-sac?  You turn around and continue on.
For the past year or so, I have been taking a leisurely stroll through Suburbia, enjoying the gardens and clean streets.  Recently, I hit a dead end.  It took me some time to turn around, but I eventually did.  I turned around and continued living with a positive attitude.  I returned to the freshly manicured lawns and fancy cars, leaving the cul-de-sac behind.

Operation: Childspeak

It can be hard trying to talk to a child.  They often have difficulty expressing what they mean or feel.  You sometimes have difficulty simplifying things in a way that your child can understand.  Communication becomes too much to worry about.  It is easier to instead just use your parental authority and tell it like it is.  Sometimes this works.  Other times, it causes your child to shut down and stop listening, or even become argumentative.  This is the last thing you want.  Communicating in this way slowly pushes your children away.  The key to good communication is what I call "childspeak".
Childspeak begins with listening.  Truly listening.  Don't listen to reply, listen to understand.  Don't get frustrated when you can't understand what your child is trying express.  Do some detective work.  With your child's limited vocabulary, what are they trying to say?  Sometimes it's easy.  "My tummy feels funny."  Your child is probably sick or feeling indigestion.  Sometimes it's more difficult.  "I don't like so-and-so."  Ask clarifying questions.  Why do you not like this person?  What does this person do?  How does this person make you feel?  Speaking with a child takes time and patience.  But through your time and patience, your child is being told that you love them and genuinely care about them.  Listening is the most important part of childspeak.
The next part of childspeak is helping your child understand.  Your child won't listen to you if they can't understand what you are saying.  Or if they're simply not interested in what you have to say.  "I need you to clean up this mess."  You probably say that everyday.  And you probably repeat it multiple times throughout the day, usually regarding the same mess.  When the 6-year old I work with needs to clean up a mess, I don't tell him to clean it up.  "I bet I can get a bigger handful than you can!"  I pick up a handful of toys and put them away.  The 6-year old rushes over to the mess and quickly cleans up, trying to pick up more toys than I do.  Children understand fun.  Make cleaning up fun.
For older kids, try to put yourself in their shoes. Why isn't your child listening?  What usually gets their attention?  I try to start a conversation by asking the boys what they are doing.  If the 11-year old is playing a video game, I'll go sit next to him and ask him about the game.  When I feel he is done telling me about the game and I know I have his attention, that is when I begin talking about what I originally came to talk to him about.  How was school?  Did you get along with your teacher today?  By asking about video games first, I was able to get the 11-year old to relax and open up about something he cares about.  This made it easier for him to continue to open up and speak to me.
It's also very important to admit when you are wrong.  By apologizing, you are showing your child humility.  You are also being an example to them.  Your child is more likely to apologize if they hear you doing so.  The same thing applies to saying "thank you", "please", and "you're welcome".  You are showing your child respect and how to respect.
The last part of childspeak is combining the first two steps.  Listening to your child and then helping them understand what you have to say.  I had a great conversation with one of the boys once after he had a good screaming fit with his mother.  I asked simple questions to figure out why he was so angry, what he feels his mother did wrong.  I then helped him understand his mom's point of view.  I told him that screaming never solves anything.  That his mother is more likely to listen if he spoke nicer.  I then told him what I used to do with my parents when I was frustrated.  I would calmly tell my parents to not speak, just listen.  The key word there is calmly.  My parents would agree to listen without speaking.  This way, I knew I had their full attention.  Instead of the annoying interjections I would normally get from my parents, I was able to fully express myself.  Once I was finished, I would tell my parents that they could talk now.  They would then calmly (key word again!) tell me how they felt about what I had said.  What I had right and what I had wrong.  Nice, civil conversations.
Childspeak is based around love.  And the best way to show love is to listen and understand.  Disagreements will still occur, but by handling a situation calmly, you can learn a lot about your children.  And your children will come to love and respect you even more. 

Giving Thanks

There are so many things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my family, my pets, my job, my home, my health, and my favorite Italian entree, lasagna.
I love my family.  I am the middle of five kids, and each one of us is different in so many ways.  We all bring something to the table.  We have an athlete, musicians, scholars, comedians, and a manny (You know I had to throw that in somewhere!).  Despite all our differences, we get along swimmingly.  And, we have the greatest parents anyone could ask for.
And don't forget the quadrupeds!  I treat my cat like she is my daughter.  I have never loved an animal as much as I love my cat.  The family dog is pretty awesome, too.  The family cat is sweet, but annoying.
I love my job!  But you already knew that.  Yesterday, I asked the boys what they are thankful for.  The 13-year old is thankful for "having a family".  The 11-year is thankful for "family too, I guess".  And the 6-year old is thankful for "rainbows, roller coasters, trains, and skateboarding".  I told the boys that I am thankful for them because without them, I wouldn't have a job.  "What?!"  The 6-year old didn't like that answer.  "I'm also thankful to have you guys as my friends" I added with a smile.
I still live with my parents.  But I try not to complain.  At least I have a roof over my head, even if it does make funny noises in the winter.  There is food in the fridge and pantries.  Blankets when it's cold.  Fans when it's hot.  I can't complain.
I am thankful for my health, even though I tell people I'm a 90-year old in a 26-year old's body.  My health isn't perfect, and it may never be.  But it could be worse.  I could come down with consumption!
And last of all, I am thankful for lasagna because, well, it tastes good.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The Manny Diaries pt. 4

Around this time last year, my life changed for the better.  I was hired as a sitter for a family with three awesome boys.  But I don't tell people that I am a babysitter.  I tell them that I am a manny.  The youngest boy just turned 6-years old.  No babies here!  (Though I do sit on him from time to time.)

When I hear the word 'babysitter', I think of the cliché teenage girl who is on the phone with her boyfriend while the kids are running around the house causing mayhem.  That's not me.  I'm with these boys five days a week.  These boys are my walking advertisements, if you will.

I began babysitting around the age of fourteen.  I played with the kids, made sure they didn't hurt each other, put them to bed if needed, and cleaned up after them.  This usually occurred on Friday or Saturday nights.  Looking back, I feel like I was just a supervisor.  Make sure the kids are safe:  check.  Put the kids to bed:  check.  Clean up the toys before the parents get home:  check.  It was the perfect job for a teenage boy who wasn't old enough for a part-time job.  There was a point in my life where I was babysitting just about every weekend.  But that was it.  Just weekends.  I wasn't a daily part of the children's lives.

Now, twelve years later, I have three boys who are a part of my daily life, and I am a part of theirs.  For this reason, I am more than just a supervisor.  I am a friend, a big brother, a mentor.  I am whatever the boys need me to be.  Because I see these boys five days a week, I feel as though I share the important role of raising them.  And let me tell you, I'm not about to raise some ruffian hooligans!  As I said before, these boys are my advertisements.  By teaching them to do right, to make good choices and respect others, I am showcasing my role as a manny.  I am more than just a presence in the house.  I am helping these boys shape their futures.  Ten years from now, I hope to see successful, kind, and compassionate young men.  I want to see that my short time with them paid off.  I love my job as a manny.  I truly care for these boys and only want what is best for them.  This past year has been amazing.  Some days are a struggle.  And some days are perfect.  Either way, I wouldn't change a thing. 

The Golden Rule

A lot of children don't understand the Golden Rule.  I didn't when I was a kid.  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Well, my big brother just pushed me, so he must want to be pushed back.  Obviously.  It's easy for kids to forget themselves.  They worry too much about how other people treat them.  They don't think about how they should treat others.  What's fair is fair.  He pushed me, so he deserves to be pushed back.
The librarian at the elementary school I attended used the Golden Rule all the time, but in different words.  She always told us that she would show us respect if we showed her respect in return.  This seemed to click in my young mind, and it's stuck with me ever since.  If I want to be respected, I should be respectful.  And that is how I try to live my life.
I don't know why, but it really bothers me when, while I'm driving, I let someone in front of me, and they don't wave a thank you.  How rude!  Until I realized that I rarely wave a thank you.  I've gotten much better since this realization.  I probably confuse some people.  Why is this weirdo waving at me?  I don't know him!  This is the Golden Rule in action.  If I expect people to act a certain way towards me, shouldn't I act the same way towards them?
I have been told multiple times throughout my life that I am too nice.  I also get complimented on my patience a lot.  (And my humility.)  Kindness and patience come easily when you put yourself in someone else's shoes.  I know it's hard, but the first thing to remember is that the world does not revolve around me.  Other people have their own lives too.  Other people have feelings that need to be taken into consideration.  By realizing this, it becomes so much simpler to be kind.  People act certain ways depending on what is going on in their lives.  And because I can't read minds, I decide to just treat everyone the way I want to be treated.  With love and kindness. 

I Am Not My Body pt.2: Labels

Last week, while doing his homework, the 13-year old made a discovery.  He knew that he had ADD, but he never really understood what the letters stood for.  All he understood was the 'attention' part.  He came downstairs proclaiming "I know what ADD is now!  I have a disorder?" to which his mother came up with a brilliant reply:
"You don't have a disorder.  You have a superpower.  Your ADD is your cape."
My boss mom and I then tried to explain to the 13-year old the good things that his ADD gave him.  He is better at multitasking, he is very intelligent.  And what amazes me is that this bright young man gets straight As in school.  That in itself is a super power to me.
I was diagnosed with ADD about a year or two after graduating high school (which explains why I almost didn't graduate.).  For the next year or two, I blamed everything on my ADD.  I would tell people, "I'm ADD.  It's what I do."  Looking back now, I realize how ridiculous I was being.
First of all, I am not ADD.  I have ADD.  A mental disorder is not a label.  A person isn't bipolar.  They have a bipolar disorder.
Think of it this way.  I get migraines.  Therefore, I am a migraine.  Doesn't make sense, right?  So why label people with mental disorders as ADD/ADHD.  I am not a migraine.  I get migraines.
So, "I'm ADD" was the first wrong thing I said.  The second was blaming my ADD for the way I acted.
Again, I am not ADD.  My mental disorder does not control me.  I have ADD.  I also have a cat.  And a car.  As difficult and expensive as it gets to keep my cat in good health or my car in good shape, I am still in control.  If my cat gets sick, my life may cycle around her.  If my car breaks down, my life changes, but only until the car is fixed.  If my ADD tells me to look at the stain on the ceiling that looks like Robert de Niro instead of listening to my professor's lecture, I tell my ADD no.  Mr. de Niro can wait.
I am not ADD.  I am not anxiety.  I fight to control my ADD and anxiety.  These are my superpowers, that I am in control of.  I am Philip.  I am not my body.