Those people are weird.
But then I remember that I'm afraid of people.
That I'm weird.
Heights don't bother me. In fact, I love high places. They offer a unique view of the world.
I'm not claustrophobic. I prefer tight spaces. Put me in an open field all by myself. That's how to freak me out. At least in a tight spot you can see what all is around you.
I'll admit, the dark does me uncomfortable.
Spiders are cool! I mean, not when you're driving on the highway and a spider slides down its web into your line of vision. But everywhere else, spiders are cool.
People are terrifying! People are capable of thought and judgement, and that's scary. I often wish I could read minds just so I knew if and what people were thinking about me. Eye contact is especially scary. You don't exist until you make eye contact with someone, right?
Anxiety is a funny, though.
As much as I don't want to be around people, I also crave attention. I want to fit in. But that's hard to do when eye contact makes me shudder. But when given the choice between public speaking and bungee jumping into a pit of snakes, the snakes always win. (And no, I've never been offered that choice before.)
I find it funny when people tell me I'm easy going and relaxed. I've had people tell me that I just go with the flow. It's easy going with the flow. It's more difficult being the flow. And being easy going helps avoid conflict. Everything I do is to keep me from being a social outcast. I am the quiet guy in the group pretending to fit in.
Carson Daly, host of The Voice, recently admitted to having severe social anxiety. Carson Daly, whose job it is to stand in front of huge crowds of people and help put on a show. But if you look closely, you'll see. He is constantly on the move, tapping a foot or a finger, soldiering on. What a guy! Able to do what he loves, even though he's terrified of what he loves. He's someone to look up to. Hopefully I can reach that level in life. That's all I want.
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