In the last week of August, I packed up all of my stuff and moved back to Idaho. It was a long drive for just me and my cat, but I got to see some family and friends on the way. On September 6, I moved into my studio apartment. For the first time in my life, I was living by myself, with my closest family members about three hours away. For the first time in my life, I was truly alone.
Before leaving Pennsylvania, I had been in therapy for about a year. One of the big issues my therapist and I tackled was socializing, which, even now, is terrifying for me. But I took all of my therapist's suggestions to heart, I practiced continuing conversations with people I already knew, and I felt good about meeting new people in Idaho.
I have been in Idaho for almost three months, now, and I have gone way out of my comfort zone putting myself out there for everyone to see. I can't help but laugh at how putting myself out there looks so much different from other people putting themselves out there.
I attend church every Sunday. I sit alone. A few people talk to me. I continue the conversation by asking follow up questions. I am putting myself out there.
I attend church parties. I sit alone. A few people talk to me. I continue the conversation by asking follow up questions. I am putting myself out there.
I attend a class aimed towards people my age. Everyone is much older. I sit alone. I am putting myself out there.
I eat lunch with my colleagues at work. I'm not alone. I join in on the conversation. I laugh. I am putting myself out there.
It doesn't look like much. I know I could be doing a lot more, but I'm proud of the level of effort I'm currently putting into socializing and meeting new people. I am way outside of my comfort zone even just thinking about conversing with others. But I do it anyways.
The last three months have been lonely and difficult, but I continue to put myself out there. One of these days, I will find deep and meaningful connections, but I have to keep trying. I have to keep putting myself out there.
